Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied, "That's OK, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
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Top comments
hellokinky2 0
umm, I think you're in charge of that one. fail on ur part
penpal33 7
Did you, for a minute, think that the problem may be on your side instead of his? :-)
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Comments (95)
crazyteenagegirl 2
I know what that's like I had a bf once who could make me cum all the time but then i dated another guy who just couldn't do it i always had to fake it and we had phone sex EVERY NIGHT it sucked but just keep telling him its great its what he needs to hear
xNephilim 19
Or, you know, you can tell him what your ex did to make you have an ******. Don't say "my ex did this!" but tell him, "doing it like this usually gets me going" and demonstrate it. Fail on your part, dear.
rubyliu8420 7
Ydi absolutely! It's your job to get yourself off during phone sex.
Sleepy_Nerd 5
if you have to fake orgasms, dont, teach him how to better please you
Rectov 10
*boyfriend gets on fml*
Xkillz302 10
talk to the guy guild him and I'm sure he could take you there