Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML
Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied, "That's OK, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
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Top comments
hellokinky2 0
umm, I think you're in charge of that one. fail on ur part
penpal33 7
Did you, for a minute, think that the problem may be on your side instead of his? :-)
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Comments (95)
kk2krazee 0
Pathetic!!!!!!
goliatron 9
EVERYONE fakes it during phone sex. But YDI for long-distance relationshippery.
jarex 0
Never fake orgasms in a relationship, seriously. If you want your guy to learn how to give you them you have to be honest and communicate. If he thinks your having them, then he thinks he's doing everything right and won't try harder/differently to get you off.
neltay 5
i agree completely... whether you're young and don't really know what either of you are doing, or more experienced and meet a new boyfriend, the communication needs to be there. sounds like she doesn't know what gets her off, so can't even tell her boyfriend. (the bit about "even having" to fake orgasms on the phone makes me think you fake them all the time...) girl - go do some research and learn about your body! otherwise you will have a very long unsatisfying sex life.
papernapkin 0
I can't have an ******. Essentially, I am broken. Maybe she also can't have one and she hadn't tried on her own before.
masked812 0
fail on ur part for not beig able to get urself off... I feel bad for this guy if u can't handle that
camilynn 0
no wonder you fake it with your guy, you can't even get yourself off. how can you expect him to if you don't know your own body. major fail.
mcmurdy1980 0
you are a bitch if you have to fake. faking is what woman do when they can't talk to their partners.
celtics734 2
yup, this just proves that is has been your fault the entire time, not his.
jarex 0
47, I call bullshit. I know several women who have claimed to not be able to, until they LEARNED how to have one. It's not as simple for women as men, women need to know there body and be able to put themselves physically and mentaly in the right state.
papernapkin 0
Well, it is true in that I have spent years of my life trying, my boyfriend has spent years trying and I have seen a therapist about and still cannot. It's most certainly not laziness and I have tried many tactics, all of which have failed. You can call "bullshit" all you, want, but I can't do more than I am doing to "learn" how.
teacher411 0
Apparently it wasn't so hot then