Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I treated my boyfriend to an expensive dinner using the last of my paycheck. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom a few minutes in. I came back to find my plate empty. His excuse was, "I didn't want the food to get cold." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
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Top comments
amart402 0
so break up with him. duh.
dreamer13 0
Ass Alert
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Comments (274)
PinkRoseLove 0
If my bf pulled that i'd take that burger, throw it in the trash, call him a selfish son of a b*tch and leave him there to dig through the trash for his burger. Dump him, Dump his ass now
qwerty3210 0
why dont you order your own ******* burger you cheap bitch, get back in your trailer where u belong
BrownSugar_fml 5
Joey doesn't share food!!!!!!
spazzboy 0
That will learn you to mess with a mans stomach
JGuff 0
You don't mess with a man's food. You deserved it.
EffedUpForeals 0
******* bitch dont steal his sandwich
Lisa89 3
Ha, i do the whole 'Omg you took a really big bite! Not fair!' thing when i share my food... but i'ld never be so imature for making that much of a deal about it. FYL for having a horrible bf :(
crukestal 1
Like George Costanza, you too may benefit from a preemptive beakup to establish "hand".
Aurik 0
"Joey doesn't share food!" :-) How is this an FML? You found out he doesn't share. Drop him or stop touching his food.
SealClubber 0
YDI for ******* with his food, especially without asking. Get back in the kitchen.
joeinthedark 18
#270. Awesome. Couldn't have said it better myself. Dump his ass and then make him wear it.