Mah bawsac

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

New balls

Today, at physical therapy, even though I was wearing underwear, when I went on the leg press machine, my balls popped out of the bottom of my shorts. A bunch of times. The therapist saw. FML

Pissed

Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

Ball Is Life

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

Third degree

Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML