Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML
Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, I took a shower in a beach house we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML
Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML
Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML
Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coat rack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house, naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML
Today, I was home alone, and enjoying my freedom decided to walk around naked blaring my radio. What my mother forgot to tell me before she left was that a guy was coming to fix our dish washer today. Imagine our mutual surprise as I danced around the kitchen while getting a drink. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Time to go all Adam and Eve and grab a few leaves.
avadakedabra 15
You should have left some sort of indication for people to know you're home. YDI
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Comments (93)
avadakedabra 15
You should have left some sort of indication for people to know you're home. YDI
LifeAlertTwerk 14
"Hey, mom, I'm in the yard tanning naked so I can get rid of these dreadful tan lines. Don't lock me out, please!" A note would have caused her mom to look for her.
cryssycakesx3 23
so? she's just nude...
jack_jill05 14
in their own home, I dont think OP needed to tell anyone what they were doing. sorry OP, I hope you didnt burn waiting for someone to unlock the doors.
LifeAlertTwerk 14
#22 While she is "just nude", I personally don't want my parents to see me naked.
cryssycakesx3 23
I just think having your mom see you nude is better than being locked out nude.
x3jmac27 22
Honestly she sounded like she didn't know her mom was gonna stop by home. Plus if I was gonna do that I wouldn't think to leave a note either because you think the mom would check before she locks all the doors. And again she sounded like she didn't know so I'm pretty sure she's worried more about tanning naked than thinking "There may be a slight chance my mom will stop home so I should leave a note telling her I'm outside fully naked and tanning"
Respect101 17
It's kind of the moms fault. Back when I lived at home, if they thought I would be home and I wasn't. They would look all over the house for me, and then call me to see where I was and tell me to get my ass back home.
reneetlovesyou 30
Maybe if you're an adolescent they can tell you to "get your ass back home," but OP could very well be an adult that doesn't have to take orders from her parents.
DaJoGri 12
If you went outside to tan for a while thinking no one would be home, would you leave a note or something?
incoherentrmblr 22
Hopefully it doesn't rain and that she'll be back soon...
OhWhoCares 42
I'm not sure about the OP but I always have my phone with me, even when sunbathing. Personally I like listening to music. I would use my phone to call mom and tell her to come unlock my house cuz I was outside but I guess that won't work if OP doesn't have their phone
ohSNAPyall 27
...or you could have just taken your house key with you out into the yard.
Chibitalia180 6
#78 Assuming OP tanned in a backyard rather than the front, he/she might not have a key for their backdoor. My backdoor is one of those sliding levers and they don't use a key
russfml 31
No one does that just because in case a parent comes home randomly from work and locks all the doors. Common buddy you're thinking way after the fact than before it.
nolefan 15
not to mention, hot metal around many windows
lexa1love 16
Op, hoping you didn't have to climb into a window naked, it's hard enough with clothes and shoes on.
pjsr 33
Followup please! - how did you you get in and how long did it take
Welshite 40
Is it really that important to know? The "followup please!" comments are becoming extremely redundant.
MidnaLink 35
Well it is kinda fun…
JBChristian 47
I'm failing to see how it's harder to climb through a window nude than with clothes on. You wouldn't have clothes or buttons catching on anywhere.
MidnaLink 35
Or in her case, a very infectable ******, if it gets scratched.
samuelbeathard 15
It may not be a "her". There isn't a gender at the top and nowhere in the post does it say anything toward either gender. I mean technically a man can wear a bikini... ;D
lexa1love 16
I was thinking of body parts catching. Also, in times I have had to do it, the jeans material helped keep the frame from digging directly into my stomach/thighs.
Antonhjn 11
To be or not to be tomato?
pooldude 24
??
sweetbliss3 37
I'm just going to guesstimate here and say i think he might be talking about if she burned or not?
chutney_02 22
#29 I hate to say this but I will because it really bugs me but that's completely the wrong use of guesstimate. You are only guessing; there's nothing to calculate (estimate)
Antonhjn 11
That is exactly what I meant. I wanted a follow up hearing what she did, did she burn, yelled out to neighbour or did her mother come home shortly afterwards again.
mageepaigeee44 15
Sorry, I don't see how "to be or not to be tomato" conveys any of that..
sweetbliss3 37
33- you're an idiot. whether that's the real "meaning" or not, I did really mean to say guesstimate. I thought I was on fml not "AmISayingTheRightWords R'Us."
ohSNAPyall 27
"R'Us"? You're here to buy AmISayingTheRightWords? How nice of the other person to check your vocabulary for free.
Welshite 40
Time to go all Adam and Eve and grab a few leaves.
Welshite 40
She can always hook two small baskets together to make a bra.
itwasthedognotme 14
This is ask.fm, things are allowed to be ridiculous;)
slipstreak 10
Last time I checked, this is FML, not Ask.fm lol
thecman25 14
butthurt much?
FunnnyGirrl 19
How mortifying! I guess in a way this is a lesson learned - bring a house key when you want to sunbathe nude... (What a strange sentence to say)
xosxo 3
so... How is your tan looking ..
iLike2Teabag 27
Let's go on google earth and find out.
deebiedoobie 13
Next time you feel adventurous, bring a spare key.
Horsempeg 25
Or maybe a swimsuit/towel could help too.
BossMindedFemale 20
Not with getting back into the house.
gracehi 33
It seems you have no choice now. You're gonna have to live in your backyard naked forever. I hope you know how to make a fire without matches.
varutha 16
OP's adventure just got a whole lot bigger.
siegy65 7
Yeah it's called friction she can start one with me ;)
Michael903 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You must be fairly young. If I were to do something like that, my shorts(bikini in your case) would be right beside me at all times. Unless somebody took them. Then there would be a different fml!
interesting33 37
Doesn't necessarily mean OP is young :)
Dodge4x4Ram 46
what about the key under the rock? or is that just my back up
alshygirl 14
Maybe they keep that in the front yard.
JustASmallTownBo_fml 7
brb going to Dodge's house...I know where the key is.