Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
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Top comments
hXcsoccerplaya 0
those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh
perdix 31
Whatever you do, don't go see "The Nutcracker!" You'll have another nightmare and completely crush your 'nads!
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Comments (97)
hXcsoccerplaya 0
those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh
Kingdutch 3
Win
canesul 0
why the hell did you have your hands in your pants
icall_BS 0
This is painful to read. I usually wake up with my hands down my pants and a wet stain.
vtsocks 2
are you even human to need to ask why someone would have their hands down their pants?
YDImate 0
u walk with a limp. cuz ur an old school PIMP
MetallicaRules19 4
well i guess then that must be (puts on sunglasses) a pain in the balls
ddlovatolover 23
OP merely squeezed his walking stress balls! Those things follow him wherever he goes!
numzeh 0
a bit extreme isnt it
ddlovatolover 23
Male genitalia, the new stress balls to squeeze.
bubbles94 0
Oh...damn.... That's horrible... FYL
7myname7 0
eeeeugghhhh gave me the shivers!!!!
Starfire22 5
Ouch, no sexy time for you, huh?
dontizzle 0
thats got to hurt but why did u go to sleep with ur hands in your pants.??!?!?!?!?!!
marc_with_a_c 3
Yeah.. that! why?! are you so boring when you play with yourself that you fell asleep doing it? no wonder you don't get laid ;p
caticaticati 3
Why is everyone so confused about his hand being down this pants? Either his hand was cold (your crotch is like, the warmest part of your body) or he was really tired while jacking off and fell asleep in the middle of it (I'm a chick and it happens to me, and it's happened to my boyfriend, it's not that weird, it happens when you're really effin' tired), or he jacked off and didn't move his hand right away and fell asleep. OR he had and itch and didn't totally move his hand? Orrr he's like me and occasionally just sticks his hands down there because it's comfy and warm.
gods_hunter10 0
number38 can we be friends? :)
Stick523 0
Yeah I'm pretty sure I want to be friends with 38 as well =)
cea99 0
Obivously he was jerkin off
perdix 31
Whatever you do, don't go see "The Nutcracker!" You'll have another nightmare and completely crush your 'nads!
ifmlftw 0
win
somepartsareme 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
At least you didn't grab your happy sacks.
Lonely_Lez 0
...
misha1995 0
Fail...
xFattyxWhalex 0
thats what he did grab, dumbass.
dvd175 5
i think "Somepartsareme" was trying to imply that the OP did not use the messed up phrase "Happy sacs" and instead used the word "Scrotum".....
MiGman 5
you are how old #7?
TheLoneWolf87 4
or your snow globes
blakehilli8 0
ydi for being a filthy male
awwwwshit 0
ouch that must ha- WAIT WHAT THE ****? WHY DID YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS IN YOUR PANTS WHEN YOU FELL ASLEEP?!?!?!