Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML
Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, I fell off my truck and landed on one of the stakes my wife uses to keep her plants upright. I landed on it so perfectly that it went through my shorts and perfectly straight up my asshole for a good 4 inches before it snapped. My wife helpfully removed it, but I still spent a night in hospital. FML
Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML
Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML
Today, my wife was in labour and bouncing on her inflatable ball to relieve the pain when it popped. This thing has lasted her entire pregnancy and it chose to burst now, sending her crashing to the floor groin first while 8 cm dilated. And as the husband, it is of course all my fault, you bastard. FML
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
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Top comments
geekynerd88 10
Your wife literally made you bust a nut.
BurnInDemonFire 39
We mourn your loss, brother.
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Comments (19)
BurnInDemonFire 39
We mourn your loss, brother.
RichardPencil 32
Half-brother.
risingtide 19
This comment made my day 😂 😂 😂 😂
Emily Ball 5
That was a really ballsy move of her.
geekynerd88 10
Your wife literally made you bust a nut.
Charlie Given 28
Umm WHAT!!! it takes about 400lbs to rupture a ******** ,what did she do get a running jump?🤔😨😵😕
corrupteddevil 12
Distribution of weight plays an important role. 180 pounds dispersed over a couple of square inches could easily surpass 400 pounds of pressure, especially if you factor in momentum.
woodpusher69 10
pretty sure it dont take 400 lbs to pop a nut maybe 25 lbs at the most
WHSKitty4ever 23
Update, please! Did you willingly become celibate after this?
ViviMage 40
You can still manage a normal life with one ********. It's the death wife, the wife of punishment! Your future children are groaning.
RichardPencil 32
When your wife proposed the new sex position, I hope you didn’t say, “Have a ball!”
DanielleinDC 34
Ouch! That's incredibly unfortunate for both of you. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
well for once a wife actually did take a man manhood
pjsr 33
To your coworkers: My wife and I had such fantastic sex, I ended up in the hospital