Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while grocery shopping, my Dad asked me what I wanted for 'Din-Dins' while scratching his nuts. In a crowded aisle. Wearing short shorts. FML
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML
Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, while shopping with my father, I had to use the restroom. As soon as I opened the door to the men's room, my father yelled that it was the ladies' room. I then turned around and went through the other door, where I ended up getting bitch-slapped. FML
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Top comments
Sebastian2022 22
You should've said "Sorry Dad, they're out do you're league, but they're sure as hell in mine."
Johnnycake23 42
Can't have a conscious in the pimp game!
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Comments (33)
Sebastian2022 22
You should've said "Sorry Dad, they're out do you're league, but they're sure as hell in mine."
Sebastian2022 22
Out of you're league*
RobinGoodfellow 47
Are we assuming OP is a lesbian or what?
cole_tyler42 21
"No, Dad, you're cramping MY style."
LeashaJoy5595 28
OP is a girl... Not saying she couldn't be lesbian, but she's probably not if the dad is trying to get at them. Don't wanna have a number contest with dad
Vegetarian27 24
*out of your league
1dvos_grl3 21
#22 I believe he already tried to correct it. it's more like "*your".
Johnnycake23 42
Can't have a conscious in the pimp game!
ShowMeKay 20
#2 I think the word you were looking for was "conscience." Conscious means something completely different lol.
gobiteme2 34
Don’t think he’s acting like a pimp, more like a john
stupidface15 16
before i vote on this fml, id like to know, how hot were these chicks? scale of 1-10
cole_tyler42 21
They're from Belgium, so likely a 10.
flufee2 27
Thug life
iSativa 24
Who picks up "chicks" while shopping?
Morning_fml 22
Someone obviously as fly as OP's dad.
stupidface15 16
THIS GUY
JohnTheDonJuan 11
Gotta learn to multi-task my friend. And it's easier to pick up chick's in non-traditional settings, in places like bars they're on high alert and less easy prey.
PenguinBitch 44
Bill Cosby knows. ^
JohnTheDonJuan 11
The Cosby ALWAYS knows...
PossiblyInDanger 24
Plenty of chicks like guys with kids.
jkp1291 25
*OP then proceeds to pick up all the chicks themselves.*
youngindian 10
We'll maybe that's a sign?
tranced_ 45
time to bring in your mom!
iwanttogotoparis 26
Tell him he's not their type