Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML
Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
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Top comments
epoh_fml 0
aw it sucks but you're doing him a great deed. My brother is a 31 year old virgin (I am 85% sure of this). SOMEONE has to help those poor guys out!
jf7609 0
which hole? this guy hasn't seen any ****?
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Comments (147)
spaceghost1331 0
awesome!
KurouTenshi 0
that's funny :D and yah you should stay with him and teach him!!
jonny2x4 0
How the hell do you snap yourself in the "happy sack" with a rubber? If you buy condoms anywhere but a bar or college bathroom, there are clear instructions on how to put it on. It's so simple even a caveman can do it. How hell does he not know which hole to put it in? It's really not that complicated. You probably could have had him poke you in the bellybutton and he wouldn't know the difference.
OkageStarr 0
Hey, that's offensive to cavemen. They were getting it on LONG before we ever were.
intint50 0
that's probably something to do with the fact that they existed long before we did .
I_Like_Kittys 0
Aw, give him a break ;)
marc_with_a_c 3
.. couldn't he just let you do the job, if he didn't know what he was doing? seriously.. and how the **** do you snap your balls with a condom, unless you pull it way too far, that shouldn't happen
sparxva 12
At least he *asked* first. He'll be fine once you break him in.
onnielief 4
There is probably areason WHY he was still a virgin. Even a 12 year old would know where to put his penis, unless he never ever had a biology lesson in his life. FAKE1
namhowell 6
Which hole to put it in? Hahahahaha now this is funny!!! LOLLL. I hope you didn't point toward your mouth with his condom still on lol. Now that was my first inappropriate comment lol! FYL.
skyeyez9 25
Poor ignorant bastard, lol. He should be able to tell the difference between an asshole and vag at 34yrs old.
skyeyez9 25
Theres a guy I work with who is 27 and still a virgin. He said he never even saw naked lady pictures except in school textbooks, even then he said he felt embarassed to see the images. He Was raised mormon and sexually repressed.
Chocolate_Chunk 2
I read "He was raised moron" :D Not too far of, I wasn't