Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
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Top comments
lil_miss_blair 0
don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.
SynchronicityII 0
After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?
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Comments (240)
brennan677 0
that is the most hilarious thing i've ever heard. ( remembers comment for future reference)
bigbadtim 7
Did he at least let you play with his magic wand?
sipher16 0
or his sourseror stones?
I_like_chicken 0
u ruined it
miraggg 1
72 major fail
Obelia 3
aww at least he tried...
flyer716 1
win
Fortuitous 0
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML #5168083 (168) I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you totally deserved it (4402) On 09/10/2009 at 10:18am - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Sirin_fml 47
Are you saying this is a repost? Shame on you, Fortuitous. Avada kedavra!
Doortje 30
Sirin, please make modcomments voteable!
unidentified_sta 5
Do it. I wanna see if most of them end up positive double digits or always hidden. I want to hide them, makes me think I have power.
unidentified_sta 5
*Click thumbs up on your post* What now! That is right, I'm an enigma!
unidentified_sta 5
I triumph! Never doubt!
nekrodoll1 0
i love him.. =]
orangesodaftw 0
Sounds kinky to me, OP. Your boyfriend sounds pretty cool. Definitely not an fml. You should be grateful to have someone like him. I would be.
kubleeka 0
did it?
Zebidee 9
Well, if men can think with their penis...
o76923 8
Isn't Parseltounge a language almost exclusively understood by snakes? Also, it isn't elaborated upon like Elven or Klingon so there is no basis for translation.
mzwill 0
It is understood by snakes, as well as myself. In addition, I accidentally gave that power to Harry Potter when I tried to kill him as an infant.
spanelli 16
You fail. Leave it to the DahkLohd.
I_like_chicken 0
agreed with 94
RedPillSucks 33
Good God. Please don't tell me you're one of those people that are fluent in Klingon, Evlish or Parseltounge.
Lolzords 11
I thought Parseltongue was only understood by snakes? In that case, shouldn't he be talking to his own snake?
JessieMongoose 11
LOL win.
amcphun 0
fyl for dating a ****.
Dillandinator 0
This is well funny haha! Epic :P