Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
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Top comments
lil_miss_blair 0
don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.
SynchronicityII 0
After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?
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Comments (240)
venomlash 9
Nicely played, Monseigneur.
venomlash 9
That is in reply to #52. Stupid FML website, y u no work?
perdix 31
He's probably gay and was hoping that a big snake would pop outta there.
maybaybe 0
LOL LOL LOL LOL !!!!!!!!
harrypotterrfan1 0
wow your a LOSER stop! not funny.........
picturescrazy 24
Your boyfriend's awesome
sipher16 0
bahahaha =') did he show you his wand and sourseror stones?
minagiv 11
I'm sorry, but this is f*cking EPIC.
bradrost 0
sounds like he about to enter the deathly hallows.
SynchronicityII 0
I honestly think OP should milk this for all it is worth. Her boyfriend is acting like he's the king. Does anyone else think these puns are a little corn-y? I hope they aren't just snakes in the grass.
Niami 3
I can imagine one a guy im interested in doing that to me lol
rextasy 0
I read this a few weeks ago.