Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got the courage to surprise my boyfriend by shaving my pubic region. To my agonizingly painful dismay, the razor sliced through an apparent zit on one of my lips. Now my vagina is bleeding for a whole different reason, and I'm possibly traumatized. FML
Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me how she got the scars on her legs. I'd assumed they were self-harm scars. Nope, apparently getting sliced up turns her on, and if I want a good sex life, I'd better get used to cutting her thighs with a razor. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?
skitzofunia88 8
His balls genius
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Comments (149)
KentuckyRebel92 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your globes?
skitzofunia88 8
His balls genius
marinus_fml 20
Yes, it's a common tradition in Canada to shave your globes (light bulbs) before inserting them. Q.How many Canadians does it take to screw in a globe? A. 2- one to shave it and one to turn it in.
kooochris1995 14
His balls are so big he needs to call them globes.
gojira666 7
Every guy can relate. Every guy who manscapes that is....
draegbomb 5
#1. You've tried to post an FML 13 times and have yet to succeed. That an FML in it's self!
kooochris1995 14
38- so has number 10
rubberduckie94 13
I think he was just making a comment on how stupid the phrase globes sound.
draegbomb 5
Lol I think the most I've ever was 16 but I didn't comment cuz it looked like a very disturbed individual and I didn't want be douche.
draegbomb 5
Nope 41 got him beat! She's got 18! And shes backing #1 cuz their cuzins (both from Kentucky)
elephantom12 9
The most I've seen is 52 rejected FML's.
KentuckyRebel92 8
I knew what this meant I was just saying how dumb it sounded..
KeyboardWarrior 10
Were you trying to use above-average-length words to make yourself sound smarter? If so, the way that comment was worded just canceled it out. Im referring to "I was indeed just meaning...", yes I'm the chief of the grammar police. Come at me bro.
KentuckyRebel92 8
What? That ain't want I said..?
KeyboardWarrior 10
GRRRR YOU CHANGED IT! Everyone disregard my other comment. He's probably mad at me for a previous lecture and is trying to set me up. :l
KeyboardWarrior 10
On the contrary darlin', that is EXACTLY what you said. You out to get me or something?
KentuckyRebel92 8
Chill man. I don't even know you. Yes I changed it before I even read your comment because I thought it sounded dumb.. I didn't even realize it showed up. sorry.
2oc 5
At least he didn't call them 'happy sacks'.
skyeyez9 25
Like big ol cattle balls...
FMLbeginner 0
The Americans who live in the south never cease to amaze me with their profound lack of intelligence.
KittySaysMoo 6
^ That's kind of uncalled for.
nublets 12
71- **** your confederate flag
onlychildFTW 34
Yay north, boo south.
DontModMeDammit 10
Keyboard, if you are the chief then why is the comma on the outside of the quotation mark?
megamandude455 10
109, the reason that is is because if there's a quote which isn't necessarily part of the statement being made, the punctuation goes outside. If the quote is part of the statement, such as in a book's paragraph and a subject is speaking, punctuation goes inside the quote.
blegehlehgleh 0
If someone had 52 fmls, and they're ALL rejected, that just means their life is so ******, it's not even funny
The_Troller 14
Or maybe none of them are FML worthy (which is why they didn't make it) and the person actually has a pretty good life.
Angitia 8
Nice flag you got there, #1...
KentuckyRebel92 8
Well thank ya #135
Darkruler 5
Please at least attempt to hold a higher standard for us Kentuckians, #1.
KentuckyRebel92 8
It just sounded so dumb to call your balls your "globes"
ddddddddg 9
Yes, his globe collection
Banana_Pancakes6 0
Sounds delightful.
Matt_Lord_Of_The 3
Your girlfriend sounds hilarious
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
I could be wrong here, but I'm pretty sure your globes can't be fisted....
antwon86 4
Dosen't matter had sex?…… maybe?
draegbomb 5
Wouldnt want to have sex with my globes being all cut up.
grahambertus 11
Well at least its better than being fisted by edward cullen
Ghouly_fml 7
46- that's just... Not right
RedPillSucks 33
Edward Scissorhands, not Edward Cullen. No self respecting vampire would want to get blood via the tea bag route of cupping someones globes. Then again, twilight did have some sorry-ass vampires.
antwon86 4
I would like to be fisted by Edward Cullen… no ****
grahambertus 11
No, ****
alice490 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your girlfriend is so loose you can fist here?!
justlo 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I was thinking the same thing...
ohmandapants 17
Uh...no? Read the FML, slowly.
Hyperson 0
4 doesn't deserve to live.
twilightluvr101 4
#4, what u talking bout boy?!
GoW_Chick 15
It's more like he's so loose Johnny Depp can fist him.
bro1oke 0
... Idiot
Xquisite1 28
Wow! Balls the size of a globe....now tell me--How do you find underwear to fit your massive man globes?
RedPillSucks 33
He's the originator of the "Do you have 16 lbs balls?" harrassing phone call.
adanielle76 1
Clams have feet?
adanielle76 1
Clams have feet?
silvercamaro 22
Probably gets them on eBay
Isoldael 27
15 - judging from the comments on FML, "human brain size" can range from pea sized to basketball sized :p
randomkayx3 11
Haha. In the movie when the lady gets a haircut. She's all having an ******. x)
jerseyboy732 16
shaving your balls??? thats crazy bro your better off just going at them carefully with a pair of scissors. easier and less painful
Unlucky_Gun 0
Yeah until he cuts his skin off and he starts bleeding
jerseyboy732 16
which would you choose? a razor that you just slide over your skin, or scissors which you have full control over the blade
ohmandapants 17
...you could easily accidentally cut yourself with scissors, man...
Thatoneginger 0
Shit I use a proglide razor, out isn't hard a long as you do it carefully
LouisianaBob 9
it's why I never man scape while running
eastsidesoldier 7
No trust me a razor is safer than scissors
alexup24 13
razors leave stubble though... so scissors ftw
emilyjgraham 34
razors shouldn't leave unless it's blunt or you're shaving down wards. razors I'd say are safer as you can get strips at the top and bottom to keep it moisturized at the same time. scissors? you have to hover ever so slightly over the skin, what happens if your hand shakes?
Devor 5
Ur an idiot. Goodluck with no balls.
ohmandapants 17
93- I'm pretty sure if razors leave stubble, scissors leave stumble. Either way, it's not like you're waxing.
WordSmyth 2
Just use the the buzz cutters, no pain and the guard keeps you from cutting yourself.
dildimcgee 5
So Edward Scissorhands fisted your globes?
sicnesses 6
Dear God..... (shudder)
Swiftly 0
I cannot unsee the mental image that I received from reading this.
tomatorawr3 0
I'm a girl and I winced a little...
Fx13mz 7
I'm a guy and I winked a little ;).
Thatoneginger 0
Wouldn't it make more sense if he tickled his globes? ;) he was probably plotting his course for the next time he traveled down south ;)
Redoxx_fml 22
And Freddy Kruger did the rest
perdix 31
That sucks balls. . . for therapeutic purposes, of course.
HayJay316 9
well maybe if you didnt shave them once a year it would be this way
Honestly_Lainey 21
He probably avoids shaving for this reason. If OP can't handle a razor, he should toughen up and get 'em WAXED.
Kkboreland 5
Um this is a random question... So I've gotten brazzilian waxes before and it hurt like a mother f#%^*~£ if a guy waxes his balls which would hurt more: girls or boys?