Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
Today my boyfriend told me that dirty talk with me was like potty training a puppy. FML
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Top comments
lil_miss_blair 0
don't complain, your boyfriend rocks.
SynchronicityII 0
After that, did he conjure up an ****** with his "magic wand"?
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Comments (240)
StormDewleaf 12
Oh no, the OP got FML and MLIA mixed up when she went to go submit her story. :(
Itslife2594 0
Lol aw
Itslife2594 0
Lol aw
SharkyShark 5
While nasty, it would be funnier to me if you were on your period, because ya know, things tend to get a bit bloody when the Chamber of Secrets is opened.
Kadaver 1
If you don't want him I'll take him. XD That's awesome!
deelow 0
ha nerds doing the nasty nd using Harry potter foreplay. that's fuckn funny
green_eyed_gwen 0
Actually, there's so many options for the foreplay like some sort of teacher student scenario, Sadism if you drank a potion or something. Maybe like an opening line could be, "Hey, you want to ride my broom." XD
Shockvalue 0
I find this funny, and if that had been my bf, I would have laughed, given him a kiss, and let him continue. As a Harry Potter fan, I WISH my bf would do silly stuff like this. Unfortunately, I enjoy reading more than he does, and he hasn't read the books, just seen the movies. Bummer.
Mittle 0
what a sick ****
simran9 0
that's an offensive word.
simran9 0
ohmygosh. that's funnyy ! was it like, ' siahas eth?'
squibbles 0
that's freaking awesome. if u don't want him, il take him
Doortje 30
Again, get in line!