Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "fried" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML
Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live, and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML
Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML
Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML
Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML
Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML
Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss was fired by the board. A few days ago, he dropped several strong hints that he was going to promote me soon. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML
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Top comments
Streeet_hayley 6
He wants to eat you...no mistake.
InfinityCross 1
Neither. Get him a dictionary
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Comments (221)
Streeet_hayley 6
He wants to eat you...no mistake.
melchibr_fml 0
Loosen the cap and place the BBQ bottle upside down. When he goes to pick it up, BBQ sauce will spill everywhere :)
beckybecks20 8
Fried.
Skittlepickle 13
Cannibalism, actually quite common in my family.. I moved out.
Brice28_fml 10
Don't worry maybe he left a couple words out and he wants to have a BBQ with you!
datoismyname 22
Umm I don't think that you needed to restate that. I'm pretty sure everyone got it.
widder 0
One FRIED coworker a day keeps the docter away!
GoingCommando93 14
Or just be careful, don't mess up, and either show him your a good worker, confront him. More solutions to it than just quit
eurostar710 11
I don't get it...
the17doctor 12
Someone should tell the OPs boss to boil him, not fry him, as it will be much healthier.
rallets 23
hes probably gonna have you with some fava beans and a nice chianti fft fft fft fft fft
blackheart24 10
British people have big noses.
bizarre_ftw 22
121 - big noses = big brains ^_^ you have a Michael Jackson post op. nose don't you? Okay wtf? 121 isn't here anymore according to my phone.
FarSide 23
Maybe he prefers you FRIED instead of half-baked.
Brice28_fml 10
69- I know but it's people like you that decide to say stuff back that makes me thrive to annoy you! Hope you flip out on me!
ballwiz24 0
Im lost. Why would he give his boss BBQ sauce?
SadGirl18 16
Cuz his boss put the word "fried"
tatababe 1
Now I kinda want to eat OP
InfinityCross 1
But fried is how the boss likes it ;)
ImFrackinBored 13
Pull the best prank ever... One that would get you fired, the day before... Or just use all your paid days off
ShroomsOnAcid 17
But isn't barbeque sauce for, you know, barbecuing? I haven't heard of frying anything with it.
Brutalus420 5
207- Your stupid.
tsmit 4
Put your two weeks in dude. Thats harsh.
AngryCanadian 0
Resign? So he doesn't qualify for unemployment? Yeah, that's smart.
odexy 12
But he's going to get eaten! You don't get E.I when you're poop.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Mmm Kentucky Fried Co-Worker
gojira666 7
But resignations look better on resumes.
theTrollGuy 7
Its a plan. U mad?
Feklfekl2222 32
At least you have time to consider what to say to him when he fires you
Daralea 21
Unless the boss starts by saying "Hey, could you check if that giant wok is hot yet?"
Feklfekl2222 32
Or even a giant frying pan
Daralea 21
True...but you can't escape from a giant non-stick wok
Feklfekl2222 32
Or if the frying pans big enough you couldn't escape from it either
Daralea 21
Now you're just being ridiculous.
Nuahavizu 17
Daralea wins. You win 20 internets.
chupacabra141 9
No, no, no, when he FRIES him.
joee182 3
give him the letter then throw the bbq sauce in his face. go out out big!
MagicallyFat 12
Yeah I'd go out with a bang
HarveyMalone 0
Or a sizzle....
josh5634 0
i see what you did there.
egrodo 0
What if the BBQ sauce was in a glass bottle? Wouldn't want assault on record.
HaloReachIsCool 6
Y U NO LIEK BBQ?
KiddNYC1O 22
Y I rich, u not?
pfx2_fml 15
Learn to spell
KiddNYC1O 22
Haha nice try, you were buried before both of us! ^
Nuahavizu 17
That means that racism beats sarcasm yet again. I don't know weather to clap or try to shuffle away awkwardly o.o
rallets 23
Y U NO LAUGH AT JOKE?
emodude44 0
Y THIS LAME ASS JOKE FUNNY?
bizarre_ftw 22
It is because of comments such as these that I have begun to find myself increasingly fearful for the future of the human species. To be blunt, I would to inform everyone that participates in this manner of writing that it is neither cute nor smart, nor appreciated or smiled upon. In fact, it may be to your great advantage to learn that it makes you appear frightfully uneducated and utterly obtuse. I lament to feel the need to inform you that you are not 16th century Russian peasants (though your literacy skills speak otherwise) so for the sake of all those who receive the unfortunate experience of reading your comments - if not your own - I implor you to stop acting as though you are. Thank you and I sincerely hope you realize the intention behind the wording of this comment, for otherwise I fear I may likely end up buried.
iliketurdles 7
136, Cool story bro. Tell it again.
KiddNYC1O 22
Holy shit. Cool story, bro.
ollallie 0
136... Y U STORY HURT MY HEAD???
ollallie 0
136 Y U STORY HURT MAH HEAD???
shay1813 0
Y U SO UPP TITE?
NirvantioNxTFR 1
That was an awesome story! 136 should write a book!
bizarre_ftw 22
So..... Yeah. The "intention behind the wording of [the] comment" Wasn't grasped I take it?
rallets 23
hey guys, hang on, i think #151 is gonna tell his cool story again. continue
rallets 23
#136, i think your story missed something too which makes your entire epic essay a complete fail. "To be blunt, I would [like] to inform everyone" was probably what you wanted. so sorry, but better luck next time.
HaloReachIsCool 6
Y U NO FERSTAND TEH WAY OV DE TROLL €_€
midgetMANjay 7
he might prefer ketchup though...
ohSNAPyall 27
True. It's not like you'd be barbecued. BBQing is not frying; it is smoking meats for hours.
SkardeyKat 3
Mmmm... Chicken fried employee... *Homer drool*
arlo1024 0
Lol hitler cat
podsy 2
Let him fire you do you can collect. Oh and I would call him on it.
iAmPaul 49
Wait... what?
xStaciexLynnx 15
You can't collect if you're fired, only if you're laid off.
GraveRobber14 13
He meant to say "Let him fire you SO you can collect. Oh and I would call him on it." he just hit "d" instead of "s".
krad204 21
Better start marinating yourself...