Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
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Top comments
PossiblyInDanger 24
At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.
niallo 23
At least he kept a good grip on the situation.
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Comments (99)
Rizzen 27
what a ******* champ! lol
Sangue0608 26
I believe the correct term would be "masterbating" champ.
LatvianPride 16
lol! Give that guy props for being able to do that without anybody seeing.
LisaDay 14
she did see though. and if she didnt say noticed that behavior, other people may have and just not said anything.
Sangue0608 26
Maybe it's just that tiny
avapaige1234 19
I'm sure other men around DID notice. *wink*
martin8337 36
Jerkin' his gherkin.
weveallbeenthere 30
he should have saved round one for you unless he just wants round 2 to last longer.
theBadGuy37 9
Like a boss.
Witchylady 18
I hope he didn't use his special sauce as an extra topping for his food.
Dontalktome 9
Am I the only guy wondering how he pulled it off? I mean, did you not notice his hand disappear under the table cloth for extended periods of time? Hope there were no finger food.... cause that would just be nasty.
MisterEx 28
I could explain in full details the needed technique you need to do that, but I don't want you to think that I am talking from experience or anything.
Fmlsea 28
maybe it was that quick .
worldclassrager 41
That takes talent...but in pubic that's a bit off
Hiimhaileypotter 53
"In pubic" ... Hahaha.
rogerover 19
You have quite an affect on him!