Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
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Top comments
PossiblyInDanger 24
At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.
niallo 23
At least he kept a good grip on the situation.
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Comments (99)
PossiblyInDanger 24
At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.
gjikvtj 18
What a jerk
jerzjay 17
He rather nut in his pants at a restaurant than wait till after dinner and celebrate with you...That's a definite problem!
Rizzen 27
#11 *jerk off ;D
gjikvtj 18
29: I wanted to be a bit more subtle :p
chosha_fml 27
#1 Why make a pointless comparison? 'Your husband's an immature asshole, but you should be happy he's not more of an asshole.' That's bullshit, and completely dismissive of her problem.
groovycrazyjoe 18
@ 13 he probably was thinking about later. that's why he jerked off,so he can last longer .
buckdharma 38
46 must be talking about the waitress.
cryssycakesx3 23
I thought #46 made a good point. not sure why the thumbs downs.
chosha_fml 27
#97 Apparently they agree that she should be grateful that her jerk off husband isn't a cheater.
yuzuru_fml 12
actually , he cheated on her with his hand
niallo 23
At least he kept a good grip on the situation.
EphMi 5
its probably a commemoration of what he did on his first date with you. Happy Anniversary!
SaintJupiter 16
Ahhhhhhhhhh I see what you did there!!!
SleepingDogs_fml 8
Giggity GIggity Goo if you know what I mean
TheEmeraldWaffle 4
OMG XD
Puffytruffles 18
What the ****?
PageantGirlXOXO 16
I hope there was a LOT of wine involved...
cryssycakesx3 23
not quite a ****...
lexiieeex3 32
That's just ****** up.
incoherentrmblr 22
...that he ****** off in public...
itsjusttofunny 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
good God, your sex life must suck if your husband has to resort to that....
chosha_fml 27
No sex life could suck enough for him to need to jerk off in public, under a restaurant table.
domolovesyoshi 33
he probably has a public disgrace fetish
Alexis2742 31
Maybe she just looked really hot and he couldn't wait until after dinner
PurelyCanadian 18
No lack of spice in the bedroom could lead to a reaction quite that ****** up.
cryssycakesx3 23
or just a public/exhibition fetish. o think it's sexy. I like touching/being touched in public when it seems like no one's looking. nothing "disgraceful" about it.
mikbrooke 25
#99 - there is nothing sexy about being touched in public in places that should be kept private. as you said, seems like there is noone looking. you dont know who could be seeing that. for all you know, you've just made a little kid endure that. intimate touching = keep it private. the public doesnt want to see it.
kurodansei 16
what a jerk! truly commendable.
theoneknownasjp 8
Pun intended?
cryssycakesx3 23
obviously...
speakersboom 19
Total jerk off.
rks01 13
happy 4th anniverdary honey.. here's some cum for you -_-
95DeVille 13
Maybe he was getting his first nut out of the way to give you a longer "after anniversary" party.
Fuaaad1994 31
That is absolutely disgusting but for both of your sakes, just be glad that he didn't get caught
cryssycakesx3 23
you must never have experienced the thrill of a little public action.
Sangue0608 26
#101 Amen to that
chriisteex 10
You need to realize that not everyone is as pro-sex as you. Yes, being intimate in public is thrilling and exciting FOR YOU but have some common courtesy. Nobody wants to see a stranger wanking off under a dining table when they're trying to eat their food.
stevothedevo 25
@101 please go away.
caver1 14
WTF
omnia 5
It wasn't *just* the wine that went to his head. ;)