Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
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Top comments
PossiblyInDanger 24
At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.
niallo 23
At least he kept a good grip on the situation.
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Comments (99)
Whitetommy 8
wow.....the world is colourful indeed!
PikaFruit 6
Um wow you can't tell when your husband is having an ******? Your sex life must be awesome.
miss_amphetamine 24
Maybe it's just a fetish, he's into exhibitionist stuff, or gets off on the fear of getting caught? I don't think it means their sex life sucks. Maybe next time OP should try doing it for him under the table. ;)
moot_chan 18
I'm sorry he did that, but it does take skill
fantasyworld 39
That's disgusting.
criley221 19
WTF is wrong with your husband! That's rude as hell and absolutely disgusting behavior at a restaurant. Just deplorable.... probably has a tiny penis complex or a serious mental illness.
mustang581294 15
That's beautiful lol
upsetpastry 10
I'm impressed, not gonna lie
BloodyButUnbowed 32
My brain refused to believe that a grown man would do this and added a teenaged son to the story. I had to read this four times before my brain admitted it was your husband. FYL for sure.