Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
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Top comments
PossiblyInDanger 24
At least you didn't find out he was cheating on you.
niallo 23
At least he kept a good grip on the situation.
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Comments (99)
rybaby23 8
Damn that takes some serious skill. I bet he was really good at the "Don't get caught by mom and dad" game when he was younger haha
Dontalktome 9
Your husband must be a master at multitasking. It was an anniversary dinner so I assume it was only the two of you so you had to have carried on a conversation. How does someone divide their concentration between rubbing one out and carrying on a conversation while convincing someone they are paying attention?
Zyde 12
No washing of the hands?
NineeCat 32
You could've included your wife in your naughty game. Wouldn't that have been more fun? Or maybe more interesting? If I were her, I'd be pissed.
alex_gen 39
Am I the only one wondering how she didn't notice his arm moving furiously for all that time? Unless, he jerked off without his hands...
MisterEx 28
Plot twist: everybody noticed. Except OP.
ninety 25
Technically, OP did notice that her husband was up to something. She just didn't know it was himself.
SuperStormCindy 8
He's a disgusting pig. YDI for being with him.
kyleengelhardt 3
I wonder how he managed to pull that one off ;)
Sangue0608 26
One yank at a time
shelglo 5
satisfy him more in the bedroom he won't need to do that.
Sangue0608 26
Unless it was the need to be satisfied in public.
Late_night83 25
Freakin awesome!