Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Top comments
chell1894 13
I like it!
saIty 17
Just stick a picture of him on your little friend. Use it well young Jedi.
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Comments (190)
chell1894 13
I like it!
cudi504 4
She cares!
Alleged_Cranium 7
Maybe it will help to(o) improve your spelling.
GrammerNazi1000 8
Me gusta.
phoenixslayer69 4
Every time you masterbait, god kills a kitten. :-O
seanders 10
Wait till your boyfriend gets the butt plug she mailed out to him.;)
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
24- masterbait??...smh
Enslaved 38
Sounds like #24 is fishing for snapper.(:
phoenixslayer69 4
Only a pink snapper, I don't like the taste of red ones.
GrammaticalNazi 2
24 - And kittens grow up to be cats. Lotion, anybody?
hotPinklipstick 24
I don't see the problem here, she is trying to help. You could have fun with this. Skype with your bf let him watch the fun. It won't help the distance, but it might ease the sexual tension.
omfgfmlife 0
#79 please go away.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
82: please go lick some alligator balls and stfu.
DrIDGAF 7
FRESNO STATE BULLDOGS
j8em 1
You only have 1 vibrator? I have one for everyday of the week cuz I gotta get down on Friday
Jovecove 13
Cougar fer sure!
nico101bc 1
Wow your cool :)
lexiale 10
#136 you forgot to show ur face and accidentally just showed ur boobs...OOPS..
fallsupstairs 6
That's not awkward at all......
ShyAnn29 15
Nope, no awkwardness here.....
xlord 27
Just be glad that if OP turned it down that her mum didn't ask for it back. Now that would be awkward
RedPillSucks 33
What would be awkward is if OPs mom didn't actually buy her a new vibrator.
hiyourcute 0
I live in Fresno. Trust me, his life is ****** too.
ZeroIce 12
nice job mommy
mango260 9
Awwwww I love the pic!!!! :D
Writers_mind 3
Arbiter n the cheif are ******* shit up
ZeroIce 12
yeah buddy!!! :3
SugarRushxx 0
Why do stupid moms exist?
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Hey, blondes got to learn from someone.
SlyTail 5
So they have children like you.
CryMoreFMLs 15
27 - You might be my new daily FML hero.
deviable 9
When you grow up and have a child, then you'll know.
bizarre_ftw 22
Because the manuel is out of print
bizarre_ftw 22
Because the manuel is out of print
Adman567 9
Im with 63 on that one! - 27
saIty 17
Just stick a picture of him on your little friend. Use it well young Jedi.
RebekahBrooke 9
Why are parents so stupid on FML? -_-
perdix 31
Her mom is not stupid. She's just trying to help her kid meet her "needs."
arin2009 0
YDI everyone could use a nice vibrator and she thinks u earned it . so good job girl
dmw25 0
Why are you stupid. No one cares what you think. The mom isnt stupid. Do us all a favor and stay off FML. Thank you :)
bennyboy111 7
Well it is FML nothing is supposed to be good
Halti 4
legend
Doortje 30
Have some fun with that pleasure stick.
The_Instigator 11
At least she didn't set you up on a blind date with some random bum off the street.
DeathBunny218 37
is this FML badly written or is it just me?
xlord 27
Boyfriend leave for college. Girl sad. Mother buy vibrator= awkward. I really can not make it any simpler.
DeathBunny218 37
I understand it but that doesn't mean that it is a well written FML
DeathBunny218 37
The FML wording has since been changed so that it is no longer badly written
jennawill10 10
Badly written? You might need to rethink the way you word your comments.
DeathBunny218 37
What is wrong with saying badly written? It makes perfect sense, whereas the FML before it's correction had several errors. Most of you who are commenting/rating my comments didn't even see the original post so you're opinions are misguided.
shorty1911 0
You're not a well written FML.
Buttsexpirate 9
"I didn't know what to give you, so I got you this *****." "Really? Me too."
ilikecomments 0
Spongebob ftw