Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Top comments
chell1894 13
I like it!
saIty 17
Just stick a picture of him on your little friend. Use it well young Jedi.
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Comments (190)
kt8805 0
Mom is smart.
twofirstnames 12
That's always the solution!
baseballlegitly0 2
y do u need a vibrator when im sure u could just go get a guy ;)))
GrammaticalNazi 2
Are you trying to pick up the OP off of FML? Time for a blow-up doll my friend.
djmigues 7
She's got a boyfriend. Are you suggesting that OP should cheat on her boyfriend?
icic6772 0
That's one solution Beats suicide
loserman67 36
Your mother sounds way cool! So could have just told you to toughen up, up look at the bright side! I just hope that she didn't: A: Say to you "This is my favorite model, let me show you all the settings" B: Offer to have vibrator races with you "Come on Dear, let's see who can get off first" C: Ask if she could share it with you "Honey, now we have to share this, mommy has urges too" D: Compare it to the size of your boyfriend, accurately "You know, this is just a tiny bit smaller" E: Tell you that her's is the "Jackhammer model" "Now Dear, you'll eventually want mommy's Jackhammer" But no matter what, lay back, fire it up and enjoy the ride!
CrazyManNo9 29
This is probably the funniest post I have ever seen! I can't stop laughing! Thanks!
bishop76_fml 0
Turn that frown into an O face? Better than turn that frown upside down I guess.
CrazyManNo9 29
Props to Mom! She's way too cool! Better than Zoloft.
ice723 5
lack of sex is obviously making you bitch...
jaybray08 4
Eww. Fresno. The vibrator is your best bet now.
Tyry02 0
I live in Fresno and I would rather live somewhere else with a new toy. This bitch got lucky in my opinion...
DrIDGAF 7
I live in Fresno and everyone who lives here hates it. Although it's amazing.
thwei 0
Who in the actual **** chooses to go to Fresno for college? :(
akaulitz 3
Fresno State has great academics.
makeupmymind 14
Fresno state is a pretty good school but everything surrounding is horrible. I live in Fresno and there are tons of shootings and crime always happening in that area.