Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Top comments
chell1894 13
I like it!
saIty 17
Just stick a picture of him on your little friend. Use it well young Jedi.
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Comments (190)
treborpj 5
Awesome
kelis_fml 0
Haha that's gold!
mrjude 3
Well, at least you didn't have to buy your own.
mrjude 3
In reply to the other person whose boyfriend left for Fresno state: They're going to get drunk and gay together. Everybody experiments in college. It's why I haven't been able to hold it as much since back then. :(
perfectT_fml 0
Fresno? To hot there lol. But bummer
AverageIdiot 4
At least she's trying
Zillie 4
This is awesome IMO. I have a mom who is exactly like that, & I know it can be awkward as hell. Be grateful, though. I'm sure it's just as awkward for her, but she cares enough to do it anyway. Plus, she knows what the hell she's talking about! Use it & be happy :)
BritLass 15
Your mother is certainly a character! Atleast she's trying to.. erm.. help? :D
raralovesyew 3
Lol I'm reading this while in the Fresno State library right now. I'm sorry about your bf though.
123289 0
Well at least shes trying to make you feel better. She's failing at it but at least she's trying