Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Top comments
chell1894 13
I like it!
saIty 17
Just stick a picture of him on your little friend. Use it well young Jedi.
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Comments (190)
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, ...I am *so very* with you on this. No matter how cool the parent or relationship with said parent, being handed a sex-toy by one is always just... a terrible, terrible line. I imagine that the closest to Catholic Sex Guilt I could ever feel would be the result of having used a sex toy I received from one of my parents. /shudder FYL.
BadAssDerbyGirl 0
I wish my mom was that cool!
StrongDrinks 0
I wish my mom was like that instead she's a crazy physo bitch
cutie_pie257 0
I live around fresno
arak_fml 7
I'm from Fresno. Just throwing that out there. :]
WickedPixie 0
Well that was nice of her!
chickenpie90 16
Omg I feel sorry for you
peaceoutdude 0
fun
buckmeow 4
"Slipping too deep" eh?
anvilz 0
Mine would have tried to get me to go to some "group event" or something. Your mom's making a try lol