Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML
Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML
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Top comments
alice_in_mordor 21
Too bad this didn't happen in time for Easter.
Cashtangoteam 10
At least the dog isn't dead.
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Comments (131)
alice_in_mordor 21
Too bad this didn't happen in time for Easter.
capper44 18
#
sens3sfailing 25
she beat your easter? that sounds like assault...
TheGreatAlexande 12
#9 A wild octothorpe has appeared.
hunny797 5
A nice and elegant pair of b**bs. I appreciate it
itsharkley 8
Because Easter is a proper time to enjoy the smell of yellow crap
mb2_native 15
56, no..
whiteboy896 9
On another note, I like how 1 cut out her face to put her boobs in there.
decidedlyvague 11
Yellow and smells like fish? You lucked out.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's why I stick to airsoft!
siickman 7
Uh oh, You might have started a paintball vs airsoft discussion lol.
Zomg_Okay 27
Please don't. There's enough comparing of e-dicks on the Internet as it is.
miguelswk 2
So you stick to air soft so dogs won't eat your paintballs. Hmmmm, that's a good reason... I guess.
HKCgrimmjow 15
Well I'm sure fish bi-product is healthier for the dog than air soft pelts... So no he was better off with paintballs
SpicyDuck 22
Except the dog may not have been compelled to eat them because they don't smell like fish.
SenselessPattern 12
There goes 30 - 60$..... That fish bi-product is some fancy shit I guess.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Why not play both!?!? I love the fast pace and thrill of paintball, but I also love the aspect of airsoft where you are geared out in full camo and can choose from several types of weapons. One thing I hate about both, my face masks are always clouding up. And Paintballs straight to the fingers, It hurts so bad. Top of the head doesn't feel too nice either :/
killmoose 5
I prefer firearms, there's nothing like the smell of freshly combusted gunpowder!
mb2_native 15
73, the 4 D's. Dodge, Duck, Dive, and Dodge.
TheBadAndGnarly 19
79 I believe it's 5 D's, dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge. And once again I seem to be thinking of Patches....
musicalnoodles23 5
*by-product
sig4life 18
Yep, definitely 5 Ds. RIP Patches you will be sorely missed.
TheOnlyX 11
Yeah, airsoft and paintball is fun and stuff...I prefer using real firearms myself.
Zomg_Okay 27
116 - Sadly that isn't an option for all of us, hence why we play airsoft/paintball. Also, we can shoot our friends and not get in trouble, which is pretty neat too.
zero4life123 7
Should make your son clean them up! That way you can say he has a crap job
WhyAmUHere 19
The son wasn't at fault here.
klimpomppp 9
*insert witty comment he-* *punched in the face* NO!
saucyrossi 18
There's something fishy about this post...
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
And there's something crappy about this one...
mb2_native 15
More like yours, 31.
Cashtangoteam 10
At least the dog isn't dead.
machiavelli2 5
and since he isn't this gives you great prank opportunities, and it'd be the first burning yellow dog poop!
bestnameright 14
Sounds fishy... Your dog just stumbled upon the paintballs eh?
SonOfAMitch 14
~Of course not, silly! He obviously went to the phonebook, found a paintball shop, bought some paintballs and ate them! Of course dogs don't just stumble onto random items which look good to eat then chew them up! Absurd, I tell you!~
ThePsyche 9
Some dogs just want to watch the world burn..
ICastillo 25
Yup to bad they'll watch it burn in black and white..
Silver_89 9
Dogs don't see in black and white, they just don't see as many colors as we do.
DocBastard 40
Is the dog a yellow lab? If he wasn't before, he is now.
Pleonasm 36
I was thinking yellow Poo-dle
RealTalk0 7
Has to be one of the most genius comments I've seen on this site Pleonasm.
ManInTheMachine 20
You haven't been here long, have you?
Pleonasm 36
Apparently not. Not meaning to bash on someone who was nice enough to write their appreciation to me, but it wasn't really much on my part. A simple word play. If you stay tuned you'll see some really amazing stuff, usually a thread where a lot of people have worked a situation together to make an immense read.
ICastillo 25
Or a yellow shit-zu.
Enslaved 38
Great colourful fertilizer for collie-flowers?
JinxedPixie 16
At least the turds are easier to see since they are bright yellow! :p
androiddestroya 7
They were highlighted for convenience.
annie_nk 23
At least they're easy to spot.