Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML
Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML
Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML
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Top comments
alice_in_mordor 21
Too bad this didn't happen in time for Easter.
Cashtangoteam 10
At least the dog isn't dead.
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Comments (131)
skyeyez9 25
If I was in your situation: make my son pick up the turds (if it was his fault for leaving the paintballs accessible to your dog) and then hire a professional to come and clean the yellow stains off the carpets and tile or wood floors. Put the dog in a secure dog crate from now one if nobody will be there to supervise the pup.
buckdharma 38
If your dog likes to drag his ass on the ground after taking a dump, you should get him a job with the federal highway commission.
akimes94 5
Taste the rainbow! Shit the rainbow!
Fmylab 8
Finally! An FML about shit that's funny and original!
KiddNYC1O 22
Awesome. Use it as night decoration.
Alycat6363 15
My dog's crap is orange cause my mom feeds him too many carrots.
hienzburgess 9
Put him in your neighbours backyard. duh.
vbmg152 19
Sorry OP but, that's hilarious!
the_awful 2
It''s horrible, funny, wonderful, disgusting... To point It's the greatest thing that ever happened to someone who isn't me... Sorry OP.
baref00tmama 15
At least they'll be easy to spot now-less chance of stepping in dog crap when it screams "CAUTION" at you.