Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, my extremely affectionate and docile cat, whom I love like a child and has never drawn blood, scratched my roommate of one day in the face while I was at work. She claims he just went ballistic, and I don't believe she's telling me everything. What the hell did she do to my cat? It's gonna be a long lease. FML
Today, when I stepped outside, I found out my neighbors forgot to leash their mean-ass dog when he promptly started charging at me. If not for the black cat who lives outside my house, who I've fed before, jumping in and somehow single-handedly whooping his ass, I'd probably be dead. You don't fuck with stray cats. FML
Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
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Top comments
lisslyi 19
Guess he got kicked out by his cat.
zingline89 18
Good call, nobody likes being the rebound relationship.
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Comments (100)
lisslyi 19
Guess he got kicked out by his cat.
rg350dx 29
What a pussy...
jessi_sunshine 26
I guess he's sleeping in the doghouse tonight... oh, wait.
igese 11
I think we know who'll be spending the night on the couch....
ocramavaf 15
OP should not be afraid of him, OP should be afraid of the cat
theaaxis 27
*hoped
misspulkadot24 17
The cat must have been great at arguing to kick the one who pays the bills out of his own house. I don't even know humans that can do that!
ocramavaf 15
#47 it's more often than not called a divorce except there is no legal paperwork to fall back to when kicked out by a cat.
Metallica36176 16
OP could think he's yelling at his cat when in all reality he could be in a fight with his wife whose name happens to be Snowball.
lisslyi 19
Who's probably mute, since it was a "rather one-sided argument".
beyondneptune 9
no shit
Zebediabolical 45
He could be in a fight because he wants his mute wife to snowball him!
Gvfell 9
Cat got your tongue?
groovycrazyjoe 18
because he's a pussy. no cat running me.
nikolkaw 9
You should have recommended therapy...
joawmeens 7
Yep, a guy that starts, and apparently LOSES, an argument with a cat would be really receptive to your suggestion of therapy. He DEFINITELY wouldn't try to stab you AT ALL.
Allornone 35
He might be open to couple's therapy. Clearly he and his, um, partner are having some difficulties
nikolkaw 9
Do you have a better idea? Lol
zingline89 18
Good call, nobody likes being the rebound relationship.
crymore007 11
Sounds like OP's neighbor is pussy whipped
Welshite 40
This is what will happen when cats ultimately take over the world. IT'S BEGUN...
KingCeltic77 18
Only the Dogs can stop them. They really should make a movie about that.
rawr_ily96 24
Cats & Dogs, Cats & Dogs 2. Already done! Woohoo!
ocramavaf 15
the tagline should be: "pets should not be afraid of theirs owners, it's owners who should be afraid of their pets..." it should be read out by Morgan Freeman or Michael canine to give it credibility, it's as good as we're gonna get with some of the movies Hollywood has been shelling out lately.
idkiforgot 6
Why are you typing with a lisp?
Axipiter 24
Odd... I thought it was a horrible attempt at trying to imitate Sean Connery...
Treyzania 16
(Shhhhh...! It's not polite to ask!)
futtock 7
why doesn't he kick the cat out?
HayJay316 9
Tell him to stop being such a pussy.
KingCeltic77 18
Sounds like he's PUSSY whipped.
BlackPhenom 9
Pussy whipped to the hundredth...
joawmeens 7
"Sounds like he's PUSSY whipped" :puts on sunglasses, CSI Miami style: YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!! FTFY
crymore007 11
Oh that's why nobody liked my reply to #3 ._.
Joshwarrior 39
Get rid of the cat and your problem is solved (: how you do it is up to you
Pro_Nothing 9
OP should run over the cat, twice, while the owner's kids watched.
MikeyScene420 17
I killed a cat once because i thought it ate my weed
rg350dx 29
It's people like you, 21 that make other people hate weed smokers.
ileenefudge 29
Not OPs cat. The cat belongs to the crazy guy next door.
Joshwarrior 39
Didnt say they had to kill it lol or he can always call the cops about domestic disturbances next door
boredblonde 17
Lock. Your. Doors.
joawmeens 7
Punctuation. For. Effect.
boredblonde 17
Very. Effective.
Pro_Nothing 9
He got kicked out by the pussy of the house, but not in the way you might think.