Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I went straight from a kickboxing class to a first date. I coughed and a tooth that must have been knocked loose during free sparring fell into my hand, and I got blood on my shirt and the table. My date had a blood phobia and passed out, breaking her own front tooth on the table edge FML
Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML
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Top comments
Phobic_fml 14
if you manage to cut yourself with a spoon, I hope you don't handle knives often.
schnitzcopter 0
Jesus...wtf were you doing?
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Comments (28)
jd133 0
Aww, that makes me sad to even think about, so awk :/
jd133 0
Eat shit, #4
schnitzcopter 0
Jesus...wtf were you doing?
InstantRanbowMix 0
So how'd the spoon taste?
NeatNit 33
Honestly, the cheap spoons are more dangerous than they sound.
Druu 53
That plastic spoon tasted oddly metallic.
Cadle90 0
at least if you get married you can tell your kids i cut my tongue for your father lol
alex_vik 1
You're supposed to take the spoon out of the coffee... I'm surprised you're not half blind.
mellowyellowww 0
you were trying to be sexy while licking your spoon, weren't you ;] if so you deserved it if not, i'm so sorry..that really really sucks. :{
Phobic_fml 14
if you manage to cut yourself with a spoon, I hope you don't handle knives often.
sevbaby 0
that would suck. i hurt myself easily, too. when i sprained my ankle, i had the genius idea of going up the stairs with them. i actually made it. but then, i had to go down the stairs, and ... let's just say i ended up with an even worse foot and a bruised elbow and knee. maybe that will make you feel better. (:
BBkid 0
GREAT GOING, GENIUS :D
clairdnj 0
No pussy eating for you ;)