Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
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Top comments
FrancesShiver 20
Well at least he wants to protect you...?
iLike2Teabag 27
To be fair, if I were the dad, I wood want to make sure the guy isn't a prick.
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Comments (62)
blazerman_fml 17
Picking up something you dropped?Proposing?Begging him to love you forever and ever?So many endless possibilities that don't involve sex.You could just tell him what actually happened though.Good luck.
TechFire 25
I love how two of the possibilities you gave are just as bad as having had sex too young.
coffeeandsquares 10
valid question
eddyinfinity 21
Dad was wondering why she did not want to use some proper toothpaste at home
Curlytwirly22 17
You should tell him exactly this: 'dad I'm a grown up young lady you really don't trust that you have raised me well enough to know what I've been doing on a date?! Anyways I was going to tell you how I'd gotten these but now that I know how little you think of me I don't think I want to so good night dad I'm going to bed now!!'
singer0421 32
Yes, storming away in an angry fit of rage is definitely the best way to show the father how mature and trustworthy she is.
domolovesyoshi 33
No one suggested that you say it in a fit of rage just calmly and assuredly say it then again calmly walk of to bed with a disappointed and hurt look on your face.
deebiedoobie 13
Why would he bother asking you if, in his mind, he already knows what you were doing? Just tell him the truth and don't try hard to convince him, otherwise it really will sound like you're lying.
Epikouros 32
Just reassure him you didn't do anything that could get you pregnant. That should stop him worrying, right?
ZorroRooster 19
That's just rotten luck, OP. Congrats on your grounding? I cant imagine he would believe you
abc_1_2_3 12
Well? Tell him why you were on your knees, im sure he wants to know ;)
Hozu 3
Is he really dumb enough to believe that she'd kneel on wood to do what he thought she did? Even without getting splinters that would be fairly painful to kneel on for a period of time.
worldclassrager 41
That's easy to explain and your boyfriend can defend it...