Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML
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Top comments
FrancesShiver 20
Well at least he wants to protect you...?
iLike2Teabag 27
To be fair, if I were the dad, I wood want to make sure the guy isn't a prick.
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Comments (62)
captainsmegma 12
Just having dessert, Daddy.
Bugger_off 8
Seems to me to be none of dad's business...
ahippienamedrae 10
Tell him you were showing off your super strength, and broke a board with your knees.
wildsweetchild 19
seriously! ...in life it's always like that...got one thing, here's another to keep you (or us) entertained.
HotShot313 15
Did you give him a *******?
patrick227 1
one prick or another, it never ends.
Axel5238 29
He's your dad, of course he's gonna be worried. Plus, in this day in age with lot of younger crowd having friends with benefits and the like std's are more common than it used to be. Why wouldn't he be worried?
GingerRoot 13
Awesome dad to protect you :)
Bloink 25
the real question is why did you wait until you got home to dig out the splinters?
JullaBean 10
He is just worried, I would imagine. I would be too. Not that I wouldn't trust you or anything.