Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
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Top comments
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
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Comments (69)
LyraAlluse 25
Everyone's a critic. Even when it comes to.poo!
imtooshy 18
Call a Plumber once to fix the problem that clearly she knows exists or live in that gross atmosphere? I'd pick option number 1!
perdix 31
#31, but Grandma insists on Number Two.
Jjimen1654 9
Cant you just lock the door and flush without her knowing? Or she like the poo police now, watching the bathroom nonstop.
DobbyGotPwnd 10
*every time I take a crap
perdix 31
I'm wondering what happens when she finds a "clogger." Does she fish it out and bury it in the backyard? I'm envisioning a little old lady suiting up like Captain Ahab and returning armed with a harpoon. "Whale, ho!!"
EdenLis 14
Lol
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Everything comes down to poo.
galt 13
Move out.
Betsilynn 4
serious 'issues'...
chosha_fml 27
Just ******* refuse. That wouldn't even happen in a prison.