Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
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Top comments
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
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Comments (69)
Cazz91 21
Hmm... You may as well have fun with this and make it awkward for your grandmother by starting a competition of who can have the strangest looking turd or something. That might just be enough to scare her off or possibly encourage her odd request. You can only try at this point OP. Good luck!
WhatsYOURname6 25
So what happens if it is too big then?! Take it out?!... FYL.
TayonaC 10
question. what would she have done had the poop been too large??
utohspaghettios 10
gettt the rubber gloves im going in
cryssycakesx3 23
you let it sit until other breaks down.
tj5810 21
She'd think I'm in some serious need of fiber because I'd pass it off as #1 every time. Move it along grams, there's nothing to see here.
TheSofaKing 7
Leave a turd on grandma's favorite china plate on the table with a knife and fork. Got the runs, leave it in a bowl with a soup spoon.
darwinism 30
That is sofaking disgusting, i just threw up a little in my mouth.
theworldismad 10
so what is she gonna do if your turds are too big?
lifesucks1217 6
here is a tip don't show her don't tell her...
itsmichellebitch 16
She will probably hear the flush... I don't know about OP, but my toilets are pretty loud when I flush.
lifesucks1217 6
and? you say you just pissed
Frenchtony 17
Turd-ific story !
Wolfy9 4
This story is clearly fake, everyone knows women don't poo.
NavalAvaiations1 5
I have been under that impression my whole life. was devastated to read that they poo.
AngrySailor 17
That's why I never want to see the kitchen at my favorite restaraunt... Might not want to eat there anymore!
BadKitty13 28
Oh that is so GROSS. Really >>> Ughhhhh