Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
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Top comments
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
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Comments (69)
roachyroo 5
You aren't a fictional little boy named Leolo by any chance are you? If not find the movie.
buckdharma 38
Awww, this looks just like rabbit turds. Now you know why you're grandmommy's favorite. Come and give grandmommy some sugar.
daboar 5
What did she say exactly?
mad_hatter0666 22
So what exactly would she do if they WERE too big? O.o
aeonsoul 12
Good question
TimeDisposalEngi 14
There should just be an improvised instrument to break up the turds or something... That's so gross. I would never consent to something like that. What would she do that you couldn't do if they were massive enough to clog the pipes anyway?
popaacxx 10
Ew, that is just gross. Maybe you should not 'tell' her you pooped or do it when she's not home.
yeongji 31
I don't even want to know what she does when they are too big to clog up the pipes :O
Omniprism 15
Whoa. Don't know what to say about this. What do your parents say?
aeonsoul 12
I wouldn't roll with that, even is she was me grandma. I'd be like, "Grandma, if I clog your toilet, I'll unclog your toilet, okie? My 'turds' are shy!"
aeonsoul 12
*my grandma
badluckdawson 19
Well this is a "shitty" situation