Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML
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Top comments
svalaedgren 18
Perhaps you should talk to her about how absolute gross that is. Toilet time is private time
darwinism 30
Your grandma thinks you are so full of shit you would clog her pipes?
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Comments (69)
AngelLovesDerby 10
Wtf no crap would seriously clog the pipes... She's fuked.....
Robert522 4
That's some crap!! I have a crap trimmer for sale, only $50, let me know if you are interested.
Evilpishi 18
Is your grandmother German?
chuckcloninger 12
Just flush em dumbass. You don't have to follow every idiotic rule a senile old woman makes up.
buckdharma 38
Ok, which one of you is responsible for the floater?
MistySky 17
So what would happen if it was too big? X.x
Flowsidon 6
It's ok OP. Every time I'm on the toilet I'll think of this fml
tehdarkness 21
Stop obliging! Tell her that you were trying and nothing came out.
graphicstyle7 17
Um... don't know how old grandma is, but that could be a sign of dementia. Seriously, that's way, way out of bounds. Like one of the posts says, flush them. Don't tell her, that's very much an intrusion of your privacy.
SiegeOfTheSiren 9
Is your grandmother so old-school that she's never heard of a plunger? She might want to invest in one, to save her from all the shit. :)