I love the countryside
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML
Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML
Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML
Today, I was at the theatre watching a movie. There was a lady and a kid behind me. I all of a sudden felt ice hit my head. I turned around and asked the kid to stop, then heard his mom say, "Hit that cow!" FML
Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML
Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML
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Top comments
Rei_Ayanami 18
Ahh, the joys of country living. Fresh air, no noise pollution, and being smacked in the face by cow placenta. P.S. Congratulations on your new calf.
wtfomfgfml 14
You should have mooved out of the way.
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Comments (89)
Rei_Ayanami 18
Ahh, the joys of country living. Fresh air, no noise pollution, and being smacked in the face by cow placenta. P.S. Congratulations on your new calf.
fortune789 17
MOO BITCH! Get out the way!
Demig0d6 14
Then I guess I could say you just got milked!!
KaneHunter 22
@#42 That pun xD Are you trying to make a reference to a song by Capture The Crown too?
mufasaniqqa 13
best comment ever
Arthurie 30
61 - Fairly sure they're referencing to Ludacris's song "Move Bitch."
Timpa70 18
Hit it back.
PotterHead_DH 26
Hit back the placenta? That is.. the way to go.
jjammy10 2
LOL
edward80 18
Norway man , are u Syria ?
PIGaming 21
One of the most irrelevant puns I have seen on FML
megstiel 16
Speaking of irrelephant puns...
megstiel 16
I apologize for my past behavior.
coklara 15
#54 STFU *****
Sopho_o 15
The sucks, hope the baby was okay!
lil_ham1644 29
You know that baby/calf & placenta are 2 different things, right?
wtfomfgfml 14
You should have mooved out of the way.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Can't have been that bad. I reckon OP is just milking it
fsomelife 26
Cowever obvious it may be, this is udderly brilliant advice. At the very least not calf bad.
cakefete2 31
You're right, I never looked at it that way beefore.
sunshineb81 16
The miracle and beauty of birth.
garebear61 14
You just "cud"n't stay out of the cows way "cud" you?
monocyte 4
Wtf
ComoEsJuan 24
I was going to give you some advice because I assumed you were new, but now knowing you aren't, this uneventful and not very helpful comment is completely your fault. For future reference, "We thank Franklin" should never be a suitable retort.
monocyte 4
Oh ok. Pardon me for even though being "old", I didn't invest much time in studying the dynamics of FML comments and perfecting my reactions accordingly. I withdraw my instinctive/impulsive wtf and thank you for your advice. I don't aspire to comment ever again. Goodbye and have a nice day/life
Cynical_1 26
I'm sorry ComoEsJuan, but what gives you the right to tell monocyte that his comment is unsuitable and should never have been posted? What gives you the right to speak for the entirety of the FML community? Did someone die and leave you in charge of the appropriate comments committee? Monocyte has the right to free speech. He read the FML and posted his reaction and it's a hell of a lot more appropriate, genuine and acceptable than some of these people's attempts to be witty. Regardless, it's certainly not your place to tell him he shouldn't have posted it. If people don't like it they will down vote it, but even that doesn't negate his right to have posted it in the first place.
ComoEsJuan 24
Relax, people, relax... First of all, the right that I used was what you called "free speech", or do I not have that? Second, I wasn't speaking for the whole community. Just myself. And finally, this is the internet, and apparently jokes go over the heads of many people, like you two for example. I am not the comment police, nor have I ever claimed to be. Again, this is the internet. Jokes, people, jokes.
gracehi 33
I think everyone needs to calm down and have a cookie... with milk.
Cynical_1 26
No...it didn't come across as a joke. Of course you have free speech. If you had simply told him his comment sucked that would have been fine...you have that right. You however, went beyond that by attempting to regulate and stifle, seemingly on behalf of everyone here, another user's right to say whatever the heck he wants. All based on your own opinion of what is and is not an appropriate comment for FML. Sorry...but that's not covered under free speech.
kasmol 16
WTF!
91hayek 31
WTF indeed. Came for the placenta, stayed for the free speech lecture. Only on FML.
mkayden 23
Aww, well congrats on the calf!
brandoneyez1 25
Strange enough we milk cows, but getting hit in the face with the placenta.. Nasty.
kingdomgirl94 29
Nutritious milk that is made to be consumed by another living being is TOTALLY the same as a bloody placenta to the face. You're one of those people that considers breast milk on the same level as piss, aren't you?
brand125 17
31 - he never said they were similar, just that they both came from a cow
leary96 15
Well the placenta was once used to nurture another living thing so your argument is irrelevant.
kingdomgirl94 29
My point is that the comment sounded a lot like they were saying that the milk is gross because we find the plecenta gross. Plecentas are basically sacs of blood and other pretty gross stuff to have in your face, milk is just food.
brandoneyez1 25
No I don't count milk as piss! I am saying its odd. Think about it.
malait 23
For a vegan, milk is not food.
Godsofdracos 15
You're right it's a drink.
malait 23
A drink made for baby cows, not humans.
kingdomgirl94 29
God damnit I'm a baby cow? Why didn't anyone tell me?!
touch_phobia 13
I'm with 64. people are always telling me, "but the cows like being milked!"... Yes, and if they were allowed to remain with their calves, they would be milked. I simply do not think it's right to sperate any baby from its mother, or to kill any baby, just so we can get milk.