Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML
Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
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Top comments
CheesecakeTaco 3
Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.
ManInTheMachine 20
Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.
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Comments (112)
ManInTheMachine 20
Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.
qr_fml 21
Lmao she's an idiot
eggmarie 25
If you close your finger in the metal part it pinches so I'm assuming that's what happened. How she got her nipple in there is a real head scratcher though.
ygdrassil 17
Maybe OP has one of those umbrellas that you have to push shut so it telescopes back to the compact size and used his chest to push it against. Or maybe Japan doesn't require the same level of umbrella nipple safety as other countries with a stronger titty lobby.
ihatethesenamez 6
Only in Japan
Pigeon89 34
Maybe OP has those nipples that are really long O_o
outoftown 27
Method 53 said. I learned to hold it away by bruising my breast doing the same thing. Mistake you make only once. OK, maybe twice. *blush*
that1guyyy 12
You're such a big,stupid boob.
chilearmy123 4
Op are u a guy or a girl haha
PunkySpunky78 15
Maybe if the op is a she then she might have big boobs
linkinpark98 24
Not all women are a DD....
CheesecakeTaco 3
Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.
onlychildFTW 34
Don't you close umbrellas out away from your body OP? Who closes them close to the body? Because as you know know purple nurples from umbrellas can hurt. Haha. Sucks to be you OP.
lopsop 12
50 Wait what? You've been purple nurpled by an umbrella?
shayshayshazam 14
Agreed. There are just so many BETTER ways to be purple nurpled... Wait.
codyjohn17 5
Who the hell remembers how purple nurpled was invented???
KrazieKleo 13
What the shit *******?!?!
akg98 13
It BALL ******* lol
EvilCupcake8361 9
This thread is ball *******
icrest80 4
My nipples are always hard
perdix 31
You may want to oil them. The best choices are: 1. Olive oil 2. Cocoa butter 3. WD40
icrest80 4
Thanks perdix you da man!
Enslaved 38
Psst, perdix you forgot to say: 1. (no longer- Extra Virgin) Olive oil.
perdix 31
I didn't forget, I just give out good general info to the crowd, but save the esoteric wisdom for those I like the best. For you, cold-first-expeller-pressed, "so virgin that it has never even kissed a boy" olive oil. That will get your nipples soft as butter during normal times and allow them to really pop when excited. Let's keep that tip between you and me ;)
animal50199 10
This is definitely a TMI moment.
astoryofroses 9
claim it's a hickey?
KBeatz 5
Why would OP be showing off their bruised nipple anyway? Don't need an excuse if you're not going to be flashing people
greenishyellow 5
Unless OP has multiple partners and they are all ok with it, saying it's a hickey is going to make his/her partner be very suspicious...
psycomikey16 0
How the hell?????
yahoowizard 16
Maybe he/she wasn't wearing clothes?
perdix 31
Usually, I'm curious about the details of FML stories, but I can leave this one a mystery. Did I mention my hypersensitve nipples?
writergirl23 19
Probably op did it somehow right thru their clothes
ryggsekk 8
what? and how? #1 when you don't have enough space to do it that way you explain, the umbrella is closer to you and then it can come in contact with your body. but getting bruise is what im wondering about
perdix 31
That would would never happen to me! I have very sensitive nipples and an exceptionally high tolerance against embarrassment from doing stupid things. I'd prefer to get wet than handle an umbrella that presents a high nippular hazard!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I will find you, and twist your nipples. Locking onto your location now.
Wederoney 16
You've got two hands, right? So why the hell would you close an umbrella on your nipple?
flipfloperson 5
Are you suggesting that it would be acceptable for OP to use his/her nipple to close an umbrella if OP only had one hand?
nikkon416 13
To see what it felt like.