Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML
Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
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Top comments
CheesecakeTaco 3
Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.
ManInTheMachine 20
Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.
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Comments (112)
rogerover 19
BIG NIPPLES!
linkinpark98 24
This FML somehow reminds me of that one guy from Family Guy whose last name was Stiffnipples. Or as I should say, his real name, Albert Turdsneeze.
outoftown 27
Sympathies, OP, from a fellow umbrella-breast klutz.
linkinpark98 24
So this has happened to someone else, too? How the Hell does that even happen? Were you guys running the tip of the umbrella up against your nipples or something? I didn't know that fetish existed...
UnknownAwesome 0
Umbrellas are evil
linkinpark98 24
Yeah, they're the spawn of the devil.
animal50199 10
How the hell did you do that? OP do you have like separation anxiety or something because there is no need for anybody to be that close to an umbrella. Unless you have huge breasts it's almost impossible to bruise your nipple on an umbrella without holding it up against you.
HereToDisturb 5
I notice this post is from Japan. If she is native... I don't think size was the issue X-D sorry for being so evil!
falloutking12349 0
This dosent sound even real how would you even do that with closing it? You wouldn't..... Some people..........
bethcox 4
How did that even work?
Knarf_fml 10
Is umbrella a new term for nipple clips?
AgaveLoco 5
A nipple pain? Use your umbrella in someone's testicles. That's pain!
diamondbaby16 4
How do you attempt that ?
EpicFail1520 16
I don't even..