Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML
Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
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Top comments
CheesecakeTaco 3
Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.
ManInTheMachine 20
Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.
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Comments (112)
GracesDelirium 9
...no. Just....no.
kimg0885 23
You should invest in a poncho, not as stylish but definitely safer.
linkinpark98 24
The question is, did the umbrella say sorry? If not, take a second umbrella and bruise the first one's nipples with it.
feroxletum 6
Pics or it didn't happen :P
flutter4 7
I don't understand how that happens.
skyeyez9 25
The comments are even better than the fml.
TrollmanJenkins 0
I've heard the FML team ban someone every time they take a dick in the mouth. Can I get some confirmation?
linkinpark98 24
What the ****?
gheebuttersnaps 4
Haha how is that possible????
Bordo1203 3
I'm guessing you have one arm or nipples the size of basketballs.
wetandnaked 4
Yea, I'm still trying to figure out how that's even possible.