Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I somehow managed to slam my trumpet case closed on my nipple. FML
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML
Today, while shaving I accidentally shaved of half of my left nipple. Worst of all? I didn't notice it until I looked down and saw blood everywhere. That's when the pain hit. FML
Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML
Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML
Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML
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Top comments
CheesecakeTaco 3
Purple nurple'ed by an umbrella. Thats a new one.
ManInTheMachine 20
Why was the umbrella that close to your body to begin with? I usually hold it out in front of me, not right against my chest.
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Comments (112)
Mama_Umbridge 8
Was it one of those little drink umbrellas?
iloveandy143 7
That seems about right.. How else could someone manage this unless they were drunk?
outoftown 27
It's amazing what you can do when you are having a really, really bad day. No drinking required.
_ebbonyy 11
I don't fully understand how that happened? Hilarious nonetheless :-)
99megster 15
Either you were holding the umbrella too close to your body, or you have HUGE nipples.
wellnevermind 4
You're the one on the left? Greetings big toe! :D (had to do it)
may651 14
Poor nipnip.
naduskalove 3
Ouch !! That's all I can say..
linkinpark98 24
Then don't say anything. This was valuable comment space!
Enslaved 38
I've done that before by pushing in the stick. I wasn't expecting the damn thing to pop up again! Ouch!
DocBastard 40
I had a friend in college who couldn't even look at pepperoni because he thought it resembled a sliced nipple. True ******' story.
Dadothy 8
That comment gave me a very unpleasant mental image
Enslaved 38
Better than him not being able to look at nipples because it makes him crave pizza.(:
iloveandy143 7
Imo The areola resembles pepperoni more. More true to size. Unless of course someone has very expansive nipples.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I can see me doing that because I'm uncoordinated :p but the bruising kind of confuses me, how did that happen?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I mean, wouldn't you have to close the umbrella on your nipple REALLY hard for it to bruise???
mikeymayhem_87 15
Nipped the nipp with an umbrella... Sucks for you, OP!
okieraider71 4
OP didn't tell the whole story. OP's nipples are a foot long from that time she got them caught in the .....