Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML
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Top comments
Tenantry 0
I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.
waywardson 0
Who watches **** on a bar stool?
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Comments (90)
ubbernoob 0
lettuce . . . I think your roommate might be a little confused about what it means to "toss someones salad" X[)
fortunecookie_fml 0
hahahaha @ #8 & 9. soooooo tru.
your_face 15
Dude, that sucks. #18, locking the door wouldn't have helped if it was his roommate coming home.
jSOPURE 3
At least use a computer chair. Jeeze. :)
Misanthropist 0
I would have a lot of sympathy for you, if this wasn't the stupidest thing i've ever heard, and if your name wasn't "hansonLUVR." wow.
spongebobrocks 0
**** + eating? That's insanely gross. To me, at least.
Freaky_Darlings 0
HEY, you guys, they're a MULTI-TASKER. Sheesh. Honestly, your life is ****** AND you deserved it. The first thing I thought after reading you FML was, "Holy crap, lettuce-fig leaf."
jayfx 0
how could you even be naked and eat at the same time? ew
thewonkits 0
Everything tastes better while you're naked. Don't believe me? Try it. But that doesn't mean you should eat while watching ****... That's just a little odd...
Obfuscation 0
#14 Knows what its about :) Quite the funny story.
broken_lungs 0
#9 FOR REAL. I mean sorry when I'm eating lunch I'm not thinking about getting myself off