Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML
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Top comments
Tenantry 0
I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.
waywardson 0
Who watches **** on a bar stool?
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Comments (90)
Tri_fml 5
People who don't get it have obviously never lived on their own. Eating lunch naked is the best, and the **** just tops it off. Not sure I'd do it if I had a room mate though :s
salaamthebody 0
fake
Anony_fml 0
Were you trying to make your own salad dressing?
hippies_rule 0
omg this FML and the first two comments made me laugh so much.
rpsls 0
I Laughed so ******* hard at this! OMG But if you're a guy, and you're roommates a guy, I'm gonna guess that they've done the same thing before so they probably understood...
Trini_Psycho 0
lmfao #35 is funny as hell, lol so ur roommate walked in to see **** on the TV, he looked down and saw you naked spread out on the floor boner in full glory with food in hand and dick in the other hahahahaahhaha
shitfaece 0
...talk about food fetish! hilarious entry.
Lexiijayy 0
Oh My God I'm sorry but that is f*ckin funny as hell!
RockChalk 4
Ahahaha, cant. stop. laughing. LOL
could_be_funny 0
OP - you watch **** while eating? sounds like someone is addicted to **** - get help!