Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I was naked in bed. I was eating vanilla yogurt and it spilt. My dad walked in and then apologized that he had walked in on me while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML
Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML
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Top comments
Tenantry 0
I never new that many people eat food naked till I started reading FML.
waywardson 0
Who watches **** on a bar stool?
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Comments (90)
dick_turpin 0
His roommate probably saw him passed out naked on the floor, covered in salad, and thought, "Bastard had a party while I was at work. Looks like it was a good one, too."
strawberryswirl 0
Any story that starts with "Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching **** on the big screen..." isn't going to end well, I'm afraid.
Laughing_is_cool 4
smooth
Megzx 0
LMFAO!
babaa_fml 0
wow...um on the bright side, at least you still have your health, o wait never mind, you were unconsciousness , could have a brain tumor and become a vegetable/dead like natasha richarsdson next time you do this, be smart and wear a helmet
Iluvmypitbull 0
hahaah wow that made my night
O0HeLLN00 0
lmao.!yu would really only hear these stories on fml. ****** awesome.
Antonio718 0
Today I came home from school...After i parked my car in the garage i found my roommate half naked, with a sandwich on the floor, then I saw he was watching **** and it looked like he was jacking off too....
AngelRaven89 0
This is one of my favourite FML's!!! I burst out laughing whenever i think of it :'D best invest in getting a bean bag chair for next time..
JohnFR33M4N 0
#9 can u sez cocksandvich