Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, the guy in the cubicle across from me complained about me to our boss. Apparently, his relatives heard me typing something on his daily 8+ hour call to them, and now don't believe he has his own office. My boss took his side and asked me to type quieter. FML
Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
OP: Um, sir, it isn't a pr-- *phrrrrrrrRRRRRRp!* -ank, um, I actu--- *PraaaaaaaaaAAAAAAph* *shittle* *shart* --a condi-- *toot* Boss: You think you're funny, huh?!? I'm sick of your shit, you're fired. OP: But sir I-- *BrAAAAAAPPPPPphhhhizzzzz* Boss: GET OUT! I'm dying in here! Maybe you should get a job at prank shop, OP. You could use it to your advantage!
trollcrusher 17
I'm sorry OP, that's embarrassing. Try talking it out.
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Comments (80)
trollcrusher 17
I'm sorry OP, that's embarrassing. Try talking it out.
samiiii_fml 2
I've always found that the best way to handle an embarrassing situation like this is to explain it maturely, then make a joke out of it. If you can't laugh at yourself it makes it much more awkward for everyone else.
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
Yeah, at least let them know you have a condition. Or go to your doctor for help.
Snazzy_Snaz 17
How embarrassing! Hopefully you'll get some medication maybe?
SenselessPattern 12
If OP has a condition that does this, I can't imagine what laxatives would do to them.
ICastillo 25
Shit Op talk to your boss and let him know it's you doing the crop dusting in the office. Be proud of your smelf... Na but really you should get that shit checked.
BellaBelle_fml 23
You don't usually use laxatives to relieve gas. There's several OTC meds that will do the trick; Gas-x, Mylanta, Pepto-Bismal, Flatulex, Di-gel, and Phazyme are just a few of the most common ones.
RedPillSucks 33
Or you could wear deodorized undies like they sell for dogs. It wont mask the sound, but at least your farts will smell like lilacs or irish spring or some such BS.
SenselessPattern 12
Yeah, not sure why I said laxatives. I guess I rushed head over heels for that third comment.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Gas-X does not make you stop passing gas, no matter what anyone may think. It makes you fart more and usually causes it to smell much, much, worse then it did before you took it. All it seems to do is make you pass gas quicker, I think in hopes that you'll get it all out of your system quicker. If you have a condition this wouldn't work because I imagine the condition causes greater amounts of gas to be produced, otherwise there wouldn't be more farting than normal.
gc327072 31
Just tell him in a professional manner, I'm sure he'll likely feel embarrassed about calling you out and would apologize.
ManInTheMachine 20
OP: Um, sir, it isn't a pr-- *phrrrrrrrRRRRRRp!* -ank, um, I actu--- *PraaaaaaaaaAAAAAAph* *shittle* *shart* --a condi-- *toot* Boss: You think you're funny, huh?!? I'm sick of your shit, you're fired. OP: But sir I-- *BrAAAAAAPPPPPphhhhizzzzz* Boss: GET OUT! I'm dying in here! Maybe you should get a job at prank shop, OP. You could use it to your advantage!
trollcrusher 17
Heh, thumbs up for using shittle and toot. Something about those words seems to embody humor.
AH1Zviper 15
TOO. LONG. TO .BE .FUNNY.
Jiinxx 8
I actually found it hilarious.
ManInTheMachine 20
I don't really give a shit how many people disliked it. As long as I made someone laugh, I'm satisfied. My comments are usually hit or miss, anyway.
iOceanus 18
23 - If you don't like it, just thumb it down. There is no point in saying so.
ShyAnn29 15
That was very funny!
HentaiBunny 4
Lol the "toot" was my favorite part. I could envision it.
nellienufflenew 5
That was hilarious!!! thank you for taking the time to write that all out!!! I think two drop of pee came out I was laughing so hard!!!
thundercloud363 10
This made me laugh so hard!
borkchop1992 15
Atleast from now on you have an excuse.
coolboy675 16
So this is what you do instead just because there's a sign prohibiting masturbating at your desk?!
AH1Zviper 15
I'm not going to say anything. Just get thumbed down like the immature adult you are.
Ugi 27
Believe it or not #24, this is a reference to another FML fmylife.com/intimacy/20043181
unknown_user5566 27
24- You realize that leaving a comment stating "I'm not going to say anything" is completely pointless, right?
Werken247 14
@43 It's called an apophosis and you're right, in this case it is completely pointless. Also it should be noted tha.... SQUIRREL!!
TheDrifter 24
I'd like to know what condition OP has... Friday is chili night and I need an excuse for Saturday.
ShyAnn29 15
Maybe Crohns disease
BellaBelle_fml 23
It's not Crohn's disease, I was diagnosed with it almost 5 years ago. Although every 'Crohnnie' has differing symptoms, I haven't actually heard of excessive gas as a symptom. But, of course, there probably are some Chronnies who do experience that. It's just not very common.
lizzi02 13
I have Crohn's Disease and know that everyone's symptoms are different, just like the Disease itself can be very different in each person. For me, personally, gas isn't a big issue. However, if i'm having a rough time lately, I feel bad for whoever's around me lol
gczizza1997 15
Just explain the situation. I'm sorry you have to live with that. Maybe a doctor can prescribe some medication to help
annie_nk 23
Sounds like you're in-between a rock and a hard place. You could tell your boss it isn't a machine but he might not believe you. Good luck OP! Hopefully your boss is an understanding man/woman.
zuzupetalsYO 11
Get a Drs note OP because he probably won't believe you.
ICastillo 25
Damn Op that stinks
Pandacupcakelove 26
"No pun intended"?