Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and have to explain to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML
Today, my mom wanted to surprise me by buying me a hamster. When I got into her car, I was actually surprised and even said, "Hi" to the hamster. When we got home, the hamster was dead. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
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Top comments
i_live2fly 0
OMFG that is one ****** up kid!!!!!!!!
steakpak 0
Ya, that's gonna be a little problem. Most serial killers have a history of harming animals as children. You should seriously seek some professional help for him.
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Comments (511)
whyXD 13
No ones perfect. :)
lullabyy_fml 0
ohhh wow.that is scaryy.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
I say that you lock your door and maybe go to sleep with a baseball bat or something. and don't give him any animals.
HeyThereGorgeous 0
Don't let him measure the circumferce of your neck ...
Stephai 0
WTF?! I'm a hamster owner and thats just wrong.. He needs help now. What do you think he'll be doing in ten years?!
darkmis1 18
67: hanging from the celing as in hanging there dead! OP: you need to get your brother help NOW! That's the first sign of a serial killer!
sondramcfail 0
Uh, the hamster's/your brother's life i f'd. (Well, your brother deserves it though haha)
lolololcheese 0
judging by the comments I guess its weird that I used to do the same thing when I was younger.
meadowlark 0
He hangs his friends from the ceiling too?
burberry_fml 0
71, this isn't a sign of borderline personality disorder, i have that. i don't go around killing hamsters or anything like that. this is a sign of being ******* insane