Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML
Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year-old son answered the door and when he saw me said, "Oh great, it's YOU!" and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML
Today, I took my son to a birthday party. He spent the entire time clinging to my hand and refused to play with his friends, eat, or participate in activities. His friend tried to pull him away from me, but he refused to go. When we left, he started crying because he felt left out. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
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Top comments
rg350dx 29
That kid is an evil genius.
fareith 15
Seems like a great excuse to leave him there and have a quiet night!
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Comments (112)
rg350dx 29
That kid is an evil genius.
Damian95 16
That's such BS. Every time I look for the damn super glue I can't find it...
fareith 15
Solution - take a reciprocating saw and cut out handshaped pieces of the table. (Optional) Use his collegefund to buy them a new table.
Gvfell 9
He's in a pretty sticky situation.
littlem91 29
Kids rock. Evil genius kids rock harder.
HKCgrimmjow 15
That's it. I found the kid I want to adopt. Do you take PayPal? And can we do express shipping? Training must begin immediately
Ian7890 23
just pull them off and say next time you might want to rethink your actions
jonha21 11
Stupidity level Still Rising in 2013#80%
hamburgerjung 23
How is someone a genius, that glues himself to a table? Even of you get to stay most things you can do with friends besides talking requires hands or moving... Or perhaps I was doing the whole friend thing wrong when I was younger... Fact is: glueing yourself somewhere: stupid
angelitared 27
Smart kid.
Damian95 16
Ill say, I can never find the damn super glue.
ChenEighty 20
Now that's a sticky situation...
pokemai 6
Haven't heard that one before ..
avapaige1234 19
Sounds like a reference from Brokenhearted by Carlie Rae Jepsen
golden_warrior 23
25 wasn't serious, lol
ChenEighty 20
I apologize for making a simple joke. I'll get Einstein to think of my next one.
golden_warrior 23
we are burying you because that line been beaten to death. Just like, "that's what she said" and "at least you had sex."
ChenEighty 20
Ah, okay. I hadn't seen it used that much, if at all, and thought it appropriate.
buddy51 23
That's what she said....
Zebediabolical 45
At least you had sex.
timelessone 16
Now your in the sticky situation!
deathy94 14
Could be worst...
hannahsnyder69 16
I don't understand why everyone's hating on the pun. It's just a suitable joke for the situation
kkrazyangel 16
I thought it was funny!
RecklessLove 18
It was a sticky situation but at least you had sex.
fareith 15
Seems like a great excuse to leave him there and have a quiet night!
browneyedgirl52 13
I'm a little stuck on how to help you there.
slickchrome 11
it sounds like he's someone else's problem now.
cmayer 20
Why do they keep super glue where it's easily found?!
kiskraze 7
Can you read ? It wasn't her house !
AngrySailor 17
Well I would think his friend is similar age. That child's parent should be bitch slapped for leaving the glue accessible. That shit can be serious.
littlem91 29
I'd think most kids know how to use superglue by 6, and have some common sense. That or I was raised to be a survivalist.
AngrySailor 17
Most 6 yr olds I know eat glue. Maybe you shouldn't reproduce.
rapunzel3416 28
My niece is six and she is definitely not like that. Six year olds are a lot smarter than you think.
AngrySailor 17
Ok so let's let them play with dangerous chemicals that have the potential to bond skin damn near permanently? What if they rub their eye? You going to pour acetone on it? Im sorry but any idiot knows that super glue is not appropriate for a six year old to handle. This should be made obvious by the FML itself. I'm sure the child realized the error of his ways while having his hands removed from the table. You are an idiot who should never be responsible for a child, or you're trolling.
rapunzel3416 28
#72 if you're talking to me (if not ignore this) I was replying to the comment stating that most 6 year olds eat glue and saying that I don't know any six year olds that do that and my niece is six. That being said I never said anywhere that I'd let her play with superglue just saying that I don't think many six year olds actually eat glue.
AngrySailor 17
My apologies, my response was intended for #59 and I though your response was from her. That said, I just find it amazing how many commenters feel that "super glue" is perfectly acceptable for a six year old! Nontoxic craft glue, no problem, but super glue is nasty, poisonous stuff even in adult hands it can be dangerous. I'm in NO WAY "Mr. Safety" but holy fack that's nuts thinking this is acceptable.
cmayer 20
Why did I get thumbed down? Super glue is NOT appropriate for children and should not be in any place that it can be found by them. Especially not by a 6 year old child that's in a house they don't even live in. And to that dumbass that told me it wasn't the OPs house: no shit! How did you even think I was speaking as if it was the OPs own house???
kieralumina 30
kids can get into some strange places. at 6 I'm guessing he was tall enough to reach the counter at least. putting things away is good, but some kids are mini ninjas...those little cupboard locks, doorknob and outlet guards? they don't work on everyone. whether they had it on the table or in their room, OP's child should know at that age not to do something like that or else there are consequences for those actions. there is no need for any parent punching.
Jea2096 11
That kid knows what he wants.
twaumat 28
where did he get super glue??
rg350dx 29
Krypton.
samabomination 19
Why was super glue even easily in his reach is he's only 6 and doesn't want to leave that badly?
perdix 31
Give him a few juice boxes and wait him out. After he pisses his pants, he'll let you pour acetone (nail polish remover) over his hands to free him, and use his allowance for a year to buy them a new kitchen table.
fareith 15
That's horrible....
rg350dx 29
What's horrible would be getting someone to dress up as a surgeon come in to the kitchen, examine the child's hands and say that there is no way to remove them from the table other than cutting his hands off. Then fake a scene where OP begs the "surgeon" if there's any other way possible to get his hands unglued, come up with some secret, experimental chemical (aka acetone) to remove the glue. Then pour the acetone over his hands saying this night melt the flesh from your bones but at least there's a chance you'll have your hands still. Then when it's all said and done, say that chemical was never to be recreated again and the next time he glued his hands to anything he would get them cut off. That's horrible.
perdix 31
#14, yes, but when you are dealing with a manipulative little bastard, you have to go extreme to put them back in line. When you have kids, you'll get it.
fareith 15
12 and 20 - No offense, but it sounds like you two may very possibly be two of the worst parents possible. Its okay though, because nerds on the internet have a very low reproduction rate.
RedPillSucks 33
woosh
perdix 31
#24, no, dumbass, I am a great dad. When you have a kid who turns out nearly as well as my daughter, come back and talk to me. Til then, carry on with your macho bullshit and STFU.
fareith 15
29 - Yes, I'm sensing a douchebag right now actually.
Mr_Satan 11
36 - Having a moment of self discovery, are you? Because, really, only douchebags say "no offense" before saying something blatantly offensive.
theworldismad 10
fareith: weren't you the one that commented one one post from yesterday saying the Internet is terrible...? if you think it's so terrible then leave. no one really wants to hear a douche like you complain. you should be able to expect stuff like that. and perdix was joking anyways. take a joke goddammit
fareith 15
45 - Nah, I love Perdixs comments. I just had a bet with my friend to see how many people I could piss off in 30 minutes. Just won $100!
rg350dx 29
Maybe you can put that 100 towards a real bow or archery lessons, because that's nowhere close to being proper shooting form.
perdix 31
#49, so, are you going to sprinkle some sugar on those of us who helped you win your bet?
fareith 15
51 - That is not my bow, that was my childhood bow. I was forced to take that picture for a Physics project. I have a real bow for hunting... And Perdix, give me a PayPal address and I'll send you some of it!
perdix 31
#67, thank you, your kind offer is payment enough. :D
cmac86 24
that's awesome! I'd be willing to bet he would never act out again after that.