Today, I had a client argue that he shouldn’t have to pay the full amount of court ordered child support because the kids aren’t “fully his”. He swears that when a woman has multiple partners, trace amounts of DNA are left in the womb, creating kids with several fathers. Yes he was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into court with DNA evidence my ex-wife’s 5 month old son isn’t mine, and somehow I walked out of court still required to pay child support to my cheating whore ex. How is this legal? He’s not mine. I’m not even on the birth certificate. FML
Today, my ex mother-in-law stupidly made an offhand comment, so I got my kids DNA tested. NONE, I repeat NONE of them is mine. When I think of the thousands I’ve paid in child support I’ll never get back, and now my own mother thinks I’m an asshole for refusing to pay any further. FML
Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML
Today, my wife somehow convinced a judge to force me to pay child support for a child that isn’t mine. I recently discovered our son was the result of an affair and not biologically mine, so I divorced her, but the judge is forcing me to keep supporting them financially. FML
Today, my husband was served child support paperwork by the couple he insisted on donating his sperm to. When I tried to warn him beforehand, he said I was being a jealous, paranoid, control freak and that it was his decision to help out some friends. We’re already struggling financially. Thanks babe. FML
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
Today, I found out my son has not one, not two, but three children with various women. I confronted him about this and he truly doesn’t care. He has support payments he hasn’t paid in months, and he doesn’t even know his name of his youngest son, because he doesn’t care enough to remember it. FML
Today, my ex thinks he's such a good parent that he is arguing about making up parenting time. Yet our court agreement says he's to be responsible for doctor's appointments, carry health insurance for our child, and life insurance. Plus pay child support. None of which he has followed through on. FML
Today, during divorce proceedings, I decided to have my kids DNA tested. Neither of my kids are mine. My daughter's real father is unknown but my son's DNA identifies him as related to me, but not as my son, so he’s more likely my nephew, meaning his dad is one of my brothers. FML
Today, my dad justified leaving two of my three kids out of his will because they’re adopted and so not really his proper grandchildren, telling me I can’t seriously expect him to just give his money to people who aren’t real family members. FML
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Top comments
sirrubberduckie 37
It's a silly concept to think a kid would have multiple fathers in any situation. However, if she got pregnant from a different man previously, it's possible for future children to have very small amounts of his DNA because of some cells that can transfer into their bodies and persist there due to feto-maternal microchimerism. But that wouldn't really affect anything about the children, if it even happened, and certainly wouldn't change who fathered the child at all.
juggalo2 22
A sovereign citizen defense might work better.
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Comments (3)
sirrubberduckie 37
It's a silly concept to think a kid would have multiple fathers in any situation. However, if she got pregnant from a different man previously, it's possible for future children to have very small amounts of his DNA because of some cells that can transfer into their bodies and persist there due to feto-maternal microchimerism. But that wouldn't really affect anything about the children, if it even happened, and certainly wouldn't change who fathered the child at all.
juggalo2 22
A sovereign citizen defense might work better.
Yudith 28
This client confuses human females with female cats, who can have kittens from different fathers in the same belly.