Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML
Today, I went off-roading with a group of people. I'd been to wearing a $250 hat while my brother was driving at least 60mph in the dirt, it flew off my head. When I returned to go retrieve it, someone had taken it. FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML
Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML
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Top comments
Jazz_916 9
some people can be real asshats.....
klorehore 24
stole your hat? Where was your helmet?
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Comments (125)
Jazz_916 9
some people can be real asshats.....
fareith 15
Good attempt at a pun, but doesn't really work here.
IIFenix 3
I believe he was just using "asshat" because op used it....failed attempt at correcting a pun.
pokemai 6
Asshats needs hats too
rg350dx 29
Otherwise, they're just asses!
HiIAmKevin 8
Am I the only one picturing someone on the ground face up, with a twitching leg(from the wreck), and laying there typing this FML?
Flowsidon 6
Honestly I wasn't picturing that at all
negb 30
I'm sorry about your hat (and being hit) OP but that last sentence made my day.
ThePK 5
If he's an asshat, and he stole your hat, does that mean that your hat is an ass? :o This FML has layers. I'm glad you're all right, though. Be thankful all you lost was your hat and not your life.
SuperKnuckels 6
Hope op got the guys liscense plate and called it in. Hit and Runs + Theft of said hat, suspended liscense for accident and 2 years in prison for your favourite hat. :)
HKCgrimmjow 15
If only the criminal system worked like that -__-
Pwuj 6
Funny how you jst got hit by a truck today and you're already on here airing your story.,, hmmm
nurchok 15
@64, that's exactly what I was thinking (1st part at least), bit it's funny in a way that people can get just a license suspension for what should be an attempted manslaughter and 2 years for stealing a hat... Asshats need to go to jail for 2 years for running a red light and be on hard physical labour. For stealing, they should have a hand chopped off, why should my taxes support an asshole?
D3ATHZ3RO 15
HA HA HA HA UR SO FUNNY! Not
D3ATHZ3RO 15
I am now
Axipiter 24
75, not to mention fleeing the scene of a crime. Where I'm at, that would be an additional charge, if they ever found that ******. 79, what are you on, and where can I get some?
hashshim 23
70: that's against FML policy plus stfu it's not that hard to type while in the hospital, OP also never specified the extent of his injusries.
Squizanaught 8
Why was the op wearing a hat instead of a helmat while riding his bike on the road?
Dramori 29
Maybe he typed hat because he couldn't spell 'helmet'... Much like yourself ;)
MyNameIsViet 15
Your username sums this up. Must of been a damn good hat though.
aznmuffin44 12
must have*
klorehore 24
stole your hat? Where was your helmet?
IIFenix 3
Depending on what type of bike it is alot of people don't wear their helmets on them...like peddle bike's for instance..
gracehi 33
A lot of people don't, but everyone SHOULD wear a helmet when they ride a bicycle. This FML is case in point. If OP had hit his head when he got run over, he probably wouldn't be able to function well enough to even write this FML if he managed to survive. One of my greatest fears is suffering brain damage and living the rest of my life as a half-wit, so I always wear my helmet when I ride my bike, even though it looks goofy. I'd rather LOOK goofy than BE goofy.
Zebediabolical 45
I see kids around here all the time with helmets. Hung off the handlebars while they ride their bikes. I don't get it. They'd rather be inconvenienced by the helmet in the way than lock it on their heads and ruin their hair or get teased by their friends, I guess. Seriously. It makes no sense to me.
russfml 31
Ya but he didn't hit his head lol
gracehi 33
No, he didn't, but he COULD have. Who's to say he won't hit his head the next time some asshat decides to run a red light? I hope this is a wake up call for OP.
theworldismad 10
36 AGREE. lots of people think that "oh well I'm an adult, I shouldn't have to wear a helmet" when brain damage can happen to anyone in a biking or skateboarding etc accident. a lot of adults have actually ended up having to have an assistant take care often because they did wear a helmet. I'd rather look stupid than have an assistant take care of me
MDTeddy 13
Most of the time is safe to ride without getting hit by a car. If you actually pay attention to the traffic then you will not get hit by a car.
gracehi 33
Unless drivers don't obey traffic laws, which is the case here.
websphere69 27
so now its his fault for not wearing a helmet, reallly....?
MidnaLink 35
Well it wouldn't have been stolen if he was wearing his helmet, would it?
nurchok 15
@36 and @43 that's when you just watch the natural selection so it's thing :)
Axipiter 24
They recently, about a year ago or so, got rid of the mandatory helmet laws for motorcycle riders in Michigan... Saw a lot of riders without them in Ohio too. Are people really that stupid!? When I ride, I'm wearing jeans and a leather jacket and a helmet, no matter how hot it is! I have no desire to see my bones poking through my skin.
Googolman 29
20 - the spelling is "pedal". I didn't realize how many people make that mistake. Furthermore, helmets are still expected to be worn on pedal bikes.
Googolman 29
Also, "a lot" is two words, and "bikes" should not have apostrophe when pluralized. I'm probably going to get thumbed down for these comments, but I have OCD and it really irritates me when people make such simple mistakes.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Actually, no. Helmets discourage people from riding bicycles, and the #1 thing you can do to increase bicycle safety is to increase the number of bicycles on the road so the BDCs (Brain Dead Cagers) get used to seeing us. Studies have also been done that show that car drivers leave less room for helmeted bicyclists than for unhelmeted ones. In the 1990s Australia passed a mandatory bicycle-helmet law for adults. After the law was implemented, so many adults stopped doing recreational and transportation bicycling, and didn't replace it with other forms of exercise, that it was a net lose from a public health perspective when you consider the morbidity and mortality from people who don't exercise.
little_one 20
#99 I totally agree! As an adult you should have the right to choose. I don't wear a helmet but I stay away from traffic and stick to bike trails. Children should have to wear helmets though and motorcyclist because there is a much higher risk of being injured not only are you going high speeds so is everyone else.
Zebediabolical 45
I'm ok with adults having the right to opt out of wearing a helmet. So long as I have the right to opt out of paying taxes to support their medical treatment for head injuries that occur. If you deliberately put yourself at risk when the data clearly shows that helmets reduce head injuries, then you shouldn't expect other people to pay your medical bills. In places like Canada with socialized medicine at least.
tygerarmy 35
Well my hats off to that guy, he's definitely winning the asshole of the week award. I hope you got his plate number.
Yorih17 22
OP's hat is off to the guy too ;)
hashshim 23
71: tl;dr. Holy wall of text though.
Snazzy_Snaz 17
******* assholes these days. Hopefully you're okay and that guy will face the ultimate penalty of karma. And I see what you did there ;)
EnterSandman_fml 20
I guess the asshat needed a head hat.
RedPillSucks 33
asshat needed ... Damn. Missed it by that much.
IIFenix 3
Second attempt to correct a pun and you fail again.
vcapelo 19
Bad people will eventually get what they deserve!
Welshite 40
You mean you DON'T jump around like a rabbit? O_o
rg350dx 29
Is this team fortress 2 in real life?
unixdude 9
If you were "rolling through" an intersection, you deserved it. Hat? You mean helmet - right? YDI.
HarroIAmBob 21
whats wrong with going through an intersection? just because OP was on a bike, you automatically think he was running a red light?
MaryJane75 7
Of course he was rolling through the intersection, he's on a bike.. How else is he going to get through it? And he most likely did have the green light since he clearly says that the guy in the truck ran his red light and hit him...
rg350dx 29
They see me rollin', they hittin', they stolen my hat and left me splayed and hurting.
theworldismad 10
no he didn't deserve it. that car shouldn't have come through the intersection, it ran a red light. that's not a YDI
unixdude 9
Bikes also have to follow the same laws. The wording makes it sound more like the vehicle ran a yellow while the bike was "rolling through" a red in anticipation of a green. One doesn't "roll through" when they have a green light. They simply proceed through the intersection. Either way, no helmet = YD getting the hat stolen. At least around here, OP would get a citation - and OP is lucky to not be dead.
mkcherry 14
so if you don't wear a helmet you deserve to get hit by a car running a red light. guess pedestrians without helmets deserve to be run over as well.
newyorkcityguy 9
It's illegal to ride a bike on the sidewalk you idiotic, ignorant ****.