Today, while I was fitting an elderly gentleman for a suit, he muttered all too loudly that he'd give his left nut for a reacharound. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML
Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML
Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML
Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML
Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML
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Top comments
Thebestinclass 16
Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.
BigBoy77 9
Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?
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Comments (46)
rieebee 23
Demand payment up front.
pjsr 33
Insist on both nuts
Thebestinclass 16
Well, did you take him up on the offer OP? Testicles sell for quite a bit on the black market.
boating_guy 33
Please advise on pricing. I have some student loans I still need to pay off
hellnosucka 27
I'll buy.
ColonelCusswords 24
I'm thinking the product in question might of passed it's "expiration" date
rlak111 19
Even non black market legal organ donations testicles can go for $35,000
pjsr 33
That's just an urban legend. Check snopes and other urban legend sites.
ThrottleJockey 36
Urban legend of not, I'd sell one for half that!
spicyburrito 18
Should have gotten his digits. He might have been rich
ColonelCusswords 24
Someone call Kanye, we got a gold digger over here
DjangoFett 9
damn that's nuts
bwinski 19
Or lack there of...
BigBoy77 9
Even old people need a bit of action once in a while, don't be so selfish OP. Where's your Christmas spirit?
nash1991 20
Well reach around and take his left nut then. He can't even really complain about it
MystoganFT 18
sounds like a deal to me.
GAeroNKissR 26
Tell him you're not Joey's tailor (Friends)
LPisLame 16
Lmao.
LPac5295 27
Wouldn't that kind of defeat the purpose?
ColonelCusswords 24
Not for the kinky folks
teyyoshi 19
his left nut？what's that？
tarlax 11
His left ********/teste/ball/gonad/bollock/nard/cojone/jingle bell/marble/teabag/plum/love spud/all-seeing-eye/hard boiled egg/goolie/chestnut/bojangle/Olpally/etc.
dabaerju 23
FML: The place where you not only read how ****** people's lives are, but also provide you with new vocabulary.
ThrottleJockey 36
And my teachers have the audacity to say that FML doesn't contribute to my educational well-being!