Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
MooCowPlywood 9
Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...
aforbiddendance 23
Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.
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Comments (170)
lions_me_and_be 6
Masturbating is just DISGUSTING if your that thirsty watch some **** that's better than masturbating
saocrates 16
What? Who watches **** but doesn't wack off? What's the point, your just playing with yourself and left frustrated.
LonerTheWolf35 8
Masterbaiting is very normal and healthy thing. Plus watching **** would likely leave him wanting to masterbait more.
lux0rd 18
Wait so instead of releiving your discomfort your conclusion is watch **** to get turned on then don't touch yourself? How is that logical?
smokecloud_ 37
What do you think people do while watching ****?
raphanne_fml 33
#50 Wait, what kind of logic is that? So, touching your own body when you're by yourself is disgusting, but watching people do all kind of stuff on a screen is ok? Mkay, whatever floats your boats.
an3ph 20
That's rough, OP. When you move out, life will be goooooood.
DanielleinDC 34
Did you not think to lock your door? Assuming it's allowed.
akakennedy 16
Lock the freakin door!
wopchop12 8
If I lock my door, than my mom will know something's up, so locking the door isn't always the answer
WellThatSucked89 13
It wasn't really about being naked or changing, it was about not having secrets. If we needed to lock a door we had to ask permission and give a reason why.
imdabess 9
now that's a sticky situation
arandomusernameaa 20
no.
x_the_lancer_x 13
Waiting until everyone is asleep is probably the best option, say goodnight to everyone beforehand to mostly get rid of the risk of someone walking in to say goodnight (which would possibly result in them walking in on you)... Try taking measures to make it very quick to hide yourself in case you hear footsteps and someone might walk in. Try not to moan (although sometimes It is difficult), make sure the light in and near your room (in the hallway outside your room for example) is off in case they do walk in, would make it harder to see you. Another option is doing it in the shower if you can be quiet and make it quick. Come on now, you need to take this crap seriously and be sneaky!
joopjoop 19
couldn't you just act like you just blew your *nose*
Ihavegas 22
make a good face cream
Xotoolyxo 16
Shower...