Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
MooCowPlywood 9
Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...
aforbiddendance 23
Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.
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Comments (170)
Dcm210 19
LOCK YOUR DOOR!!
x_the_lancer_x 13
Like that isn't anymore suspicious, I mean come on!! A teenage boy in their room and their door is randomly locked. Nothing gives the smell of masturbation more.
mikewally 6
Hope you didn't get any of that "snot" on your nose. ewe!
Hypnotic5206 10
f that is just b like mom just wacked it. it in the tissue may throw it away plz Lol
x_the_lancer_x 13
I am curious about the language you are attempting to speak in. Origins of it please?
buckdharma 38
I'm gonna be a doctor so you have to listen. This is serious O K! Your sperm guys are swimming up your nose looking for an egg as I speak. When they find your brain they're going to fertilizer it. You'll have shit fer brains!
HisAngel6511 11
I live in a Christian home and my parents don't like for us to lock our doors, but they always knock before they come in...Privacy is allowed they just don't see a reason for locking the door.
jellybeens_fml 16
Pretend you were done with the tissue and grab another tissue to blow in..
mbuck87 19
Couldn't you have just already blown your nose in her eyes?
RaptorMARAUDER 9
Seems ya got yerself a sticky situation!
bohler 2
tell this story to god when you die. instant ticket to VIP.
sohigh10 34
I have seen or heard about this before.. I sincerely believe this did not happen to OP and he is just recycling a story for personal glory.