Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MooCowPlywood 9
Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...
aforbiddendance 23
Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
imhope 23
That's hilarious! But FYL lol
M1DGET_MOOSE 7
CUM on man! That's just nasty
UnicornFarts 15
That is snot funny. You had to see that cumming.
FimogenFeels 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's a sort of YDI ... I mean it sounds like you live in her house. Don't do that under her roof.
Jasmeent11 15
Of course, go do it in the garden OP!
tiernang 21
is he gonna go outside to do it?
tiernang 21
damn, beat me to it, 20!
FimogenFeels 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm assuming OP is grown, so until he doesn't live in his mom's house, he shouldn't do it.
tiernang 21
Im gonna guess (even though i hate assuming) if he is afraid he will get in trouble by his mom, he probably is younger than 18.
laurenasabutton 26
Let's assume he's 15. You honestly think it's reasonable to tell him to just not ********** for at least the next 3 years? That's ridiculous. FYL OP, your mum sounds intense.
TheMathMajor 26
Especially for teenage boys, it's almost impossible to just not do it. From my understanding, blue balls are at least uncomfortable and sometimes painful. It's unhealthy too, at least mentally, to think of masturbating as a bad thing that you shouldn't do. It's his own body, his mom doesn't own it, and it's a completely normal thing to do and important for developing a healthy sexuality.
saocrates 16
Shouldn't do it? That's a bit unrealistic. Next time OP lock the door or something. Or wait till the coast is clear lol
AnonymousAlpaca1 18
Really, #15, really? You can't just tell someone not to **********. Constantly being horny is distracting, it's good for the health of both men and women, and from what my guy friends have told me, not doing it can be painful. Lighten up and try it sometime.
Thunderstruck14 30
Why shouldn't he do it? It brings him pleasure and it harms no one. If she doesn't wanna see it, he should just do it in a room and lock the door, if there is a lock. Its necessary to take precautions to keep your privacy, but if someone walks in on accident, big deal! Just walk away. Its only masturbation. Its not a bad thing.
swick25 22
So let me get this straight #17. you have NEVER EVER in your life while living at your parents home masturbated?!?!?!?!, E. V. E. R!?!? Well my friend you are a better person then 90% of people who have. I live with my mother, ya I am 38yrs old and live at home due to family reasons, and I have been getting off since I moved back in a couple years ago. And that wont stop. It is a natural thing and no matter the age men and women do it. But then again we all can't be the perfect prude like you now can we! Well now that I have put in my 2 cents I seemed to have worked up some frustrations and am gonna go get off now, did I mention I live with my mom??? Good thing I have a lock on my door!!! HAVE A NICE DAAAAAAAY #17!!! :D
swick25 22
sorry I meant #15 not #17. I got a little pissed at #15's comment I thought it was #17. Soooooo that being said, I would like to take this time to apologize to whoever #17 is before I go ********** while my mom is outside at the moment!!!!! :)
limabeans101029 21
Why not, 26? Most people **********. It's not gross, it's natural and apparently has been shown to have health benefits as well (but don't quote me on that).
swick25 22
sorry I meant #15 not #17. I got a little pissed at #15's comment I thought it was #17. Soooooo that being said, I would like to take this time to apologize to whoever #17 is before I go ********** while my mom is outside at the moment!!
FimogenFeels 14
It's just my opinion and it remains. Thanks to those who respectfully disagreed, though. We can agree to disagree and move on.
martin8337 36
Or better, in the shower, think about it.
HisAngel6511 11
#96...Just because she doesn't agree with masturbation it makes her a prude? I can't say that I think it's right, but it's not my place to tell you if you should or shouldn't do that. Also...No one gives a crap if you're gonna jack off or not. We'd all much rather not know...
squideth 18
136 yes, it does make you a prude. You are literally against a completely natural and healthy function. So, prude.
FimogenFeels 14
I never said I was against masturbation in general. I said that he should just follow her rules dang
JennyK1414 13
"Jizzyface" HAHHAHA
Beepbeep7 14
That is disgusting haha
ThomasBombadil 31
Sermon from strict christian mother or blowing nose on spunked tissue. You made the right call. Pat yourself on the back OP.
BFons 19
You couldn't act like you just finished blowing your nose?
blvcklvnd69 14
What a spermy situation!!!
WellThatSucked89 13
Growing up in a very Christian household, locked doors were not allowed. If we had secrets, we had sin. Locked door meant everyone suffered a lecture. And people wonder why I rebelled.
ob81 8
Quick thinking op, but that blows.