Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
MooCowPlywood 9
Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...
aforbiddendance 23
Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.
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Comments (170)
Daydreamer4466 6
Cum on everyone does it. Tell her to get over it.
rockhead1270 5
Bird in the hand
schnitzel123 11
lmao that's hella funny
samlowksss 8
Hahahaha omg!
graphicstyle7 17
Er, lock your door like everyone else does?
Jennaflamingo 14
I'd assume you'd be caught if you had it all over your face anyway though
Akwele 5
poor you, some christians tho
kbolt89 5
Or you could have just said nothing and thrown the tissue out, but why would she ask anyway if there was nothing to be suspicious about? Unless of course she had walked in on you masturbating enough times to believe that if you were holding a tissue you were automatically masturbating. Sounds like a privacy issue.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
There's this awesome invention called a door lock. Perhaps you should invest in one, or use it if you already own one. I can't believe THAT'S the most valid excuse you could think of to hide your deed. /facepalm
permaband_usr 14
the use of "/facepalm" was well played.
9eberra1 6
Good save bro